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Week 1 Laff Riot: Crimson Tide carcharhiniformes
Tracking the zeitgeist through college football's opening weekend.
I like that when we play overseas, we send Navy. Just in case.
— Brody Logan (@BrodyLogan) September 1, 2012
Mark Richt has lost control of my bougainvilleas. http://t.co/bVPMGeyH
— sarah sprague (@sarah_sprague) September 1, 2012
Somewhere, I imagine Derek Dooley's mom visibly seething that her son is on national television with his shirt untucked like a heathen.
— Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) September 1, 2012
With his loose sideline smock, I'm halfway expecting Dooley to forego a halftime talk in favor of an expressionist painting.
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) September 1, 2012
So, wait. We sent a team named "The Fighting Irish" to Ireland, and then made our own navy the home team? #GoUSA
— Brian Grubb (@briancgrubb) September 1, 2012
"Holding, offense, No. 9. But we've decided to let it go, because we want a dude named 'Gator Hoskins' to have scored a dope TD." -- refs
— Dan Devine (@YourManDevine) September 1, 2012
Rumors of "Boston College" playing a football game today. Probably a mirage. Stay hydrated, people.
— Bill Hanstock (@sundownmotel) September 1, 2012
BOSTON COLLEGE CALLED A TIMEOUT BEFORE THEIR FIRST OFFENSIVE PLAY. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLIKILOLILOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOLOLOLOLIKOLKOKLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOOKOOK.
— THE KEY PLAY (@thekeyplay) September 1, 2012
There has to be a play where Driskell and Brissett just play catch with each other till one gets sacked.
— bbs (@BurritoBrosShit) September 1, 2012
15 members of Nebraska band treated for heat-related symptoms, per ESPN. Walk-on program just ain't what it used to be.
— Paul Myerberg (@PaulMyerberg) September 1, 2012
Watching USC's next opponent Syracuse from Carrier Dome..is there a more depressing college football backdrop?..like a giant sad garage..
— Bill Plaschke (@BillPlaschke) September 1, 2012
Will Muschamp looks like a tater tot. #realtalk
— Kaitlin (@kaitlinwithani) September 1, 2012
Duke gets an excessive celebration penalty. Marinate on that for a moment.
— Ben Swain (@TheBenSwain) September 1, 2012
Bowling Green's jerseys look like WalMart Oregon unis
— Bunkie Perkins (@BunkiePerkins) September 1, 2012
Youngstown 21, Pitt 10. Johnny Majors is available.
— Pat Forde (@ByPatForde) September 2, 2012
My mother is teaching my niece football cheers. The baby is one and half months. We think she'll have 2 bits learned in an hour.
— Red Velvet Rick 🥋 (@RickMuscles) September 1, 2012
The only thought I have about Alabama/Michigan is, when Nick Saban smiles, how many rows of teeth are behind his first four rows?
— Dan Devine (@YourManDevine) September 1, 2012
What do you think Les Miles is thinking about right now? I'm going to guess a squirrel version of Fight Club.
— Sarah (sarbucks.bsky.social) (@sarbucks) September 1, 2012
#Auburn TE Phillip Lutzenkirchen is a stud. They even named a country after him
— Mark Schlabach (@Mark_Schlabach) September 2, 2012
Clemson's doin' that Running' straight up Yo Ass & Ain't Nuthin' You Can Do About It BALL!!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) September 2, 2012
ABC crew simply remixing the telecast on the fly. Performance art.
— Colin Durant (@CGDurant) September 2, 2012
If Les Miles is The Hat, Saban is The Pleats.
— Teddy Greenstein (@TeddyGreenstein) September 2, 2012
Pretty sure I don't want advice from Fox Sports regarding my prostate
— @DCTrojan (@DCTrojan) September 2, 2012
If Hoke had really wanted to punish Fitz Toussaint, he would have played him.
— Cecil Hurt (@CecilHurt) September 2, 2012
ACC loss triggers contractual excommunication from the SEC. Mike Slive's men will be in Auburn Monday to remove all Golden Flake products.
— Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) September 2, 2012
YOU KNOW WHAT B1G AND MICHIGAN FAN? YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE BEATING YOURSELF BY NOT RUNNING DENARD SPECIFIC RUN PLAYS MORE! GOOD PLAN!
— Michael Felder (@InTheBleachers) September 2, 2012
I hate Alabama so much I refuse to drive through the state, but my God do I love watching them beat the damnit out of people
— Will West (@WillWestWNML) September 2, 2012
Michigan is probably not this bad and Alabama probably isn't this good. Thank god you'll be labeled an idiot for saying otherwise.
— Land-Grant Holy Land (@Landgrant33) September 2, 2012
ALERT: MUSTARD ON THE SIDELINE IN EL PASO #FatGuyFirstAidKit
— Ivan Bologna (@PV_GIA) September 2, 2012
Oregon, you are styling tonight. Those helmets have lasers don't they? They must.
— Ralph D. Russo (@ralphDrussoAP) September 2, 2012
It must be easier to beat Toledo in your first season when people at your school aren't actively trying to sabotage you.
— Andy Staples (@Andy_Staples) September 2, 2012
For more Week 1 coverage from SI.com check out our early, midday and late Snap Judgments, plus our game coverage of Alabama-Michigan, Auburn-Clemson, Ohio-Penn State, South Carolina-Vanderbilt, Washington State-BYU, NC State-Tennessee and Boise State-Michigan State and our full Top 25 review.
