SI.com Presents: The Procrastinator's Ultimate Father's Day Gift Guide
Father's Day is nearly upon us, and that means it's gift-giving time again. But make no mistake: this isn't like Mother's Day. No, you have to put some thought into gifts for Mom. Dad, meanwhile, is the guy who taught you everything you know about ignoring holidays until the last minute, if even remembering them at all. It's only appropriate that you put Father's Day off until now, when only expedited shipping will get you those mail-order gifts in time.
Fortunately, shopping for pops doesn't require much thought: if it involves sports or food or electronics, you're set. (If it involves some combination of the three, you're good for next year, too.) To make things easier still, we've gathered 23 sure-fire winners. Pick a gift or two, order from the provided link and then get back to watching Duck Dynasty. It's the most you could do for Dad.
For the sharpshooter
Best Made Co. Belgian Dart Set
Dad may not get to his local too often these days, but that doesn't mean he isn't itching to show off his pub game skills. With a Belgian dart set from the aptly-named Best Made Co., he can relive his bar-bet glory days with a touch of class. The 9" basswood board is ringed by a polished brass frame, and each of the 8 darts is made from pristine birch. It will be the finest game of Cricket either of you has ever played—at least, as far as the equipment goes. ($122, bestmadeco.com).
For the on-the-go griller
While condoms and grills don't have much in common, one thing is true about both: it's frustrating not to have one handy when you're in the mood. Since the world doesn't have a wallet-sized barbecue, get dad the next-best thing: Coleman's collapsible, portable propane grills. They offer 339 square inches of cooking area, which will keep your family's backyard or park or beach or parking lot or rooftop (you get the idea) party well stocked with well-cooked victuals. ($249, coleman.com)
For the audiophile
Fathers aren't always early adopters. But if you've pried the reel-to-reel out of his hands already, he might be open to this svelte head unit, which uses an innovative new power switching technology to draw amps directly from the wall instead of storing them up in an on-board capacitor. Handy when Skrillex drops the beat, which is something your dad is probably very familiar with. ($550, nuforce.com)
For the kitchen chieftain
Kyocera Limited LTD Cutlery Series
Few men among us have mastered the dark arts of sharpening that dull blade in the knife drawer without flaying our forearms. That's why this chef's knife, made of durable ceramic, will come in handy: it keeps an edge longer, helping pops hold down his rightful spot at the meat carving station from Labor Day all through the holidays. ($109-139, kyoceraadvancedceramics.com)
For the road warrior
Pro-Form Tour De France Centennial Edition
Just like pops, treadmills grow old, fast. He'll stay in the saddle of this ride, though, thanks to its "road-bike real" fit and the 7-inch touchscreen, which displays a Google street view stream of any route he's programmed, from actual Tour de France trials to the hill in the backyard. ($2,000, proform.com)
For the outdoorsman
Icebreaker Blast Soft Shell Jacket
Synthetic fabrics can soak up stink, thanks to the smooth, bacteria-friendly surfaces that make up their microscopic structure. This weather-beater keeps pops smelling fresh with a merino wool interior. Zoom in 1000x and the crags and crannies of each fiber keep funk-causing bugs at bay, while the rain-sloughing outer layer means his morning jog can proceed apace, even if the clouds overhead appear threatening. ($250, icebreaker.com)
For the deal-maker
Unless pops is lugging around the nuclear football, his needs from a briefcase are simple: the thing ought to hold the paper, maybe a tablet and a laptop, and it shouldn't soak up the Starbucks he'll dump while juggling dollars at the toll booth. This carry isn't just durable, sporting a ballistic nylon outer shell and waterproof base, it's easy on the eyes thanks to gunmetal details and the integrated safety belt straps. ($255, booqbags.com)
For the daredevil
Go Pro HD Hero 3 Black Edition
Chances are, dear old dad is more likely to end up on Tosh.O than the X Games. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't call action when he's hucking it off of a jump or backflipping on the back yard trampoline. This camera will make sure his feats don't go undocumented. The 12-megapixel sensor adapts easily to most environments, and the wrist- or frame-mounted remote takes the guesswork out of calling "action." ($399, gopro.com).
For the gridiron nostalgist
Mitchell and Ness Throwback Jerseys
"Back in the day" stories get old quick. Let your father relive the glory days gracefully with a jersey that says it all. (Prices vary; mitchellandness.com)
For the adapter
Daddy Long Legs from TaylorMade
Go figure: as soon as a broomstick putter helps dad finally get his short game under control, the USGA has to go and ban them. Fortunately, TaylorMade wants to provide an easy transition back to un-anchored putting. The company's Daddy Long Legs is still longer than most putters—up to 38"—but those additional few inches aren't for anchoring. Rather, the club is designed around the idea of counterbalance: by making the putter taller and its grip heavier, TaylorMade is helping duffers keep from falling prey to shaky wrists and a wobbly swing. Now all dad need worry about is his fragile psyche. ($199, taylormadegolf.com)
For the storm-prone golfer
Umbrellas, for the most part, fail horribly at their radically simple to-do list: keep us dry; stand strong against gusts of wind instead of crumpling like a third-string quarterback on the receiving end of a J.J. Watt sack. This one's thought out by a squadron of Ph.D.-bearing scientists, and boasts gust-beating construction that will keep any duffer dry on in a squall. Pop it into your dad's bag and it might be his most valuable club this weekend ($99, bluntusa.com)
For the tech-savvy trend-bucker
Toshiba KIRAbook i5 Touchscreen
Know who makes a mean computer? Apple. Know who else? A bunch of companies you don't hear about because Apple hype is deafening. Now Toshiba's out to make some noise with its new KIRAbook, and not just with the laptop's stout Harman Kardon stereo. The KIRAbook has a 13.3" PixelPure screen that not only compares favorably to Apple's Retina displays, but is also a touchscreen—perfect for the included Windows 8 OS. All the magic is contained in a magnesium alloy case that's light (2.6 lbs), thin (.7") and durable (trust us). ($1799, toshibadirect.com)
For the comfort-first fan
Generally speaking, sports fans have two options for officially-licensed shirts: replica jerseys (aka, your dress clothes), or coarse, heavy tees from arena souvenir stands or your local sporting goods store. Enter: Sportiqe. The company makes ultra-soft, artistically-inspired graphic tees for a wide range of teams. If their tees only had collars, you'd never need another shirt again. ($35-40, sportiqe.com)
For the utilites bill-payer
After a lifetime of reminding everyone to shut off the lights when they leave a room, papa bear can finally save his voice. Once's he's used Belkin's WeMo modules to integrate your home's lights and electrical devices into a network, he can use the mobile app to remotely turn them on or off. No illuminated light will ever be safe again. (Prices vary, belkin.com)
For the surround sound stalwart
Bringing stomach-rumbling on-screen explosions to life should be any man's goal when he establishes a home theater system. But too often the set-up devolves into a tangled mess of inoperable misery. This under-the-television solution not only absorbs the duty of three front speakers, it also plays well with your cable box and integrates with additional Sonos components, which can all be controlled via remote or, better yet, with a swipe on your pops' smartphone. ($699, sonos.com)
For the backyard gambler
Chucking a set of acrylic dice against a folded-up fridge box is a sad way to lose your shirt. These giant-sized wooden cubes, hewn from timber and branded with fire as anything true and right ought to be, are the ideal way to take your wagering to the next level. ($50, yarddice.com)
For the rye guy
The folks at Whistle Pig call this bottle of brown ambrosia "TripleOne." Why? They bottled the hooch at 111 proof, aged it for 11 years, and made 1100 cases available. We'd call it too cute by half, if the stuff wasn't a spicy mixture of caramel, butterscotch, and hell yeah. ($111, whistlepigwhiskey.com)
For the scotch sipper
Johnnie Walker Blue Label Whiskey (Engraved)
Bottles of Blue Label seldom last as long as they ought to, given the scarcity of the stuff inside. But what the hell, buy your pops an engraved bottle anyway. Nothing says class like laser-etched glass. ($230, johnniewalker.com)
For the coach class centurion
Beats Executive over-the-ear headphones
A man deserves his privacy, especially when he's crammed into the cylindrical tin of sadness and sweat that is coach class. A salve to your pop's soul? This dignified pair of noise-cancelling cans, which borrow the deep bass of Dr Dre's more, shall we say sporty, models and add a veneer of class befitting pops' stature in life. ($299, beatsbydre.com)
For the clutter-cutter
Cutting the cord can sometimes sever our ties with common sense. Which is to say: most set-up for wireless devices requires a degree in nuclear physics. This system, wrapped in supple, sound-smoothing bamboo, comes with a simplified launch process. Plug it in, hit a few buttons, and you're good to go. ($399, wrensound.com)
For the fashion-forward hunter … I guess?
Atelier camo lace-up loafer
Let's review: They're camouflage. They're a loafer. They're Italian-made. They have sturdy rubber tread on the bottom. They're $279. They're, once again, a camouflage loafer. The slip-ons may be a bundle of contradictions, but they feel like a koala bear-shaped cloud is hugging your foot. For that kind of comfort, dad can tolerate his footwear's identity crisis. ($279, atelierclothing.com)
For the good listener
Sol Republic Master Tracks headphones
Over-the-ear headphones can weigh you down. That's why we love this set of bass-bringers. The polymer band isn't just shatter-proof, it's light, and the cans themselves are replaceable. They're built for the long-haul, just like Dad. ($199, solrepublic.com)
For the speed demon
Ducati Diavel Evil Edition motorcycle
There are more sensible motorcycles, perhaps, that a father could be found riding. Indeed, if yours is the cautious type, we'd suggest he seek out something with an airbag, or maybe one that doesn't even move at all, and is instead bolted the floor, in the lobby of a movie theater. The Diavel Dark makes no excuses and spares little in pursuit of adrenaline, down to the push-button control that instantly summons an ungodly 162 horses. But don't worry: with the Diavel's ABS brakes, Dad's need for speed can be held capably in check—provided he ever uses them. ($17,700, ducatiusa.com)
