Gallery: Checking In With the Many, Many Beards of MLB

Author:
Nicole Conlan
Publish date:
May 15, 2014

There are two things you need to know about MLB players: they mostly don't do steroids anymore, and they've got some great facial hair. Here, we check in with some of the MLB's beards so far this season.

Gallery: Checking In With the Many, Many Beards of MLB

Adam Dunn was sporting a robust beard during the White Sox game against the Athletics. Worth noting: you can see a little regrowth on his face going all the way up to his sunglasses. Is Adam Dunn a wolf man? We'll keep our eyes on it.

Adam LaRoche's beard is going strong in this photo from May 9. When he was asked what his wife thinks about his beard in an interview, he replied "It's growing on her." *Rimshot*

On May 10, Adam Lind sported the rarely-seen LSG (long scraggly goatee). Combining all the inconvenience of shaving every day with all the visual appeal of an old prospector, this look is sure to win him some big points with absolutely no one.

One problem with beard maintenance -- absorbency. Just ask Andrew Cashner, who attempted to dry his wet beard on May 13. When a beard like that gets wet, it can add 20 or 30 pounds to a player's frame.

The Dodgers' Brian Wilson has one of the most consistent beard strategies in baseball, as showcased in this photo from May 7. I admire his unwavering commitment to beard excellence, it's something we should all strive for.

Carlos Villanueva took his beard in a different direction in this May 13 photo. While we admit this is certainly more rugged than the waxed mustache he used to have, I think the mustache had more flair. When you're competing against the likes of Brian Wilson and Mike Napoli, you've got to make some strong beard choices. We'd like to see Carlos go a little bolder as the season progresses. Bear ponytail?

David Ortiz's facial hair is so perfectly groomed and angular I'm not entirely convinced that it isn't stenciled on.

Elvis Andrus made a bold move on May 2 with the bushy-beard-no-mustache combo. It's a look that says "I rarely interact with other human beings and I have no interest in starting." But don't worry, he updated his look...

...and it's not any better! In this shot from May 10, you can see that Andrus is trying to take a page from David Ortiz's perfectly maintained book. Unfortunately, the angular beard only serves to highlight Andrus' double chin.

Jason Motte's beard on March 13 was so luscious that I'm 90% sure he shampoos it with Herbal Essences. Do you know how many women would kill for that kind of body??

This photo of Jayson Werth was taken on May 13, presumably after Werth had finished the promotional tour for Son of God.

Joe Beimel had a strong beard showing during the May 5 Mariners game against the Athletics. But don't let the hair on his face distract you from the hair on his head. Doesn't he get hot under that baseball hat? He's essentially wearing a balaclava 365 days a year.

Matt Holliday gave up on his World Series beard from last year, but he's still rocking that 5 o'clock shadow to let the ladies know he doesn't take himself too seriously.

Mike Napoli has the beard to end all baseball beards. His is truly the Gold Standard to which all other MLB beards must be compared. It is truly the apex of ballpark facial hair.