Thursday night on The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon dished out his “Tonight Show Superlatives,” a recurring segment in which he gives out mock high school yearbook-style awards to the players in the week's upcoming Sunday Night Football game. He's done the segment many times, and has crossed over to other sports as well, but he's found a lot of success taking jabs at NFL players, and has done it every week so far this season.
Seeing as he mainly sticks to prime-time and playoff games, it's not surprising that he's given out superlatives to the reigning NFC champion Seattle Seahawks a number of times now. He seems, however, to enjoy taking shots at offensive guard J.R. Sweezy, and has cracked a different joke at his expense every single time Seattle has been featured on the segment. Thursday night he was at it again (skip to 2:03 to see it):
Fallon has other favorite targets on the Seahawks, notably punter Jon Ryan, whom he often makes fun of being extremely white (“Most Likely To Check Off The ‘Caucasian’ Box Twice On Forms,” “Most Likely To Get Sunburned By The Moon”). But few other players in the history of the segment have had more variety in their superlatives, as Fallon has gone after him in a number of ways:
Man, that really is an unfortunate photo.
My personal favorite Sweezy joke comes at 2:29 of this video, where Fallon also throws in former teammate O'Brien Schofield:
Poor J.R. Sweezy. Over the course of two years, he's been made fun of for being a zombie, a creepy British child and Russell Wilson's weird hunchback servant. Sweezytold ESPN in September that it's “all in good fun,” but we wonder if he has any superlatives he'd like to give back to Fallon. We've come up with a few to get him started:
“I told you, mom, she couldn't make it. Just take the picture.”
“Can you enter the last four digits of your social security number on this keypad, please?”
If you're reading this, Mr. Sweezy, the floor is yours. Feel free to tweet at us, or Jimmy Fallon himself, any additional superlatives you may have. He may be a great talk show host, but there's loads of funny pictures of him on the Internet. You should have plenty with which to work.
UPDATE: Guess the Seahawks have our office bugged, since just minutes after we published this, Rolling Stone shared another story with a video of the actual Seahawks, actually handing out superlatives to Jimmy Fallon. And yes, J.R. Sweezy was present. Check out what they had to say at the link above.