Dan Haren tells fun, random stories from his career on Twitter

Former Cubs pitcher Dan Haren tweeted some fun stories from his career Monday.

Former MLB pitcher Dan Haren has a pretty entertaining Twitter account. While Haren may not have been the most exciting player on the field during a career spanning 13 seasons and eight teams, he has a pretty good personality on social media. 

Monday, apropos of nothing, Haren decided to share some pretty funny stories from his career. Here’s the full monologue:

I'm on an exercise bike, bored, so here are some things about my baseball career that come to mind......

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016

I went into almost every start the last few years thinking... How the hell am I gonna get these guys out

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016

There's was atleast 3-4 times I thought the team plane was gonna crash.

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016

Wait, what?

I would count out the days about a month in advance to see if I was gonna pitch in Coors field.

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016

One of my favorite moment ever was hitting a homer off Chris carpenter. I took my time running the bases.

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016

I gave up 11 runs in Toronto and got the win one time.

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016

I had to take Imodium most days I pitched to plug myself up. 💩

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016

My only superstition was to make sure I had 2 glasses of wine the night before I pitched. This ties in with the Imodium,

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016

Huh, never heard that one before.

Why the hell did Bj Upton hit so many homers off me..... This probably ties into the last tweet as well. I did much better facing Melvin

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016

I only hit like 5-7 people on purpose.

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016

Same.

My threat to retire didn't quite work last offseason

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016

Ok I'm done with the bike, time to go lift Bi's and tri's. #retiredlife

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016