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Dan Orlovsky just can't stop losing

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Dan Orlovsky made lowlight reels across the nation when he stepped out of the back of the end zone for a safety against the Vikings in 2008. (AP)

There was a movie made in 2003 called "The Cooler," in which William H. Macy played a character who was so astonishingly unlucky that a casino manager (Alec Baldwin) had him just stand near gamblers so his misfortune would rub off on them.

Dan Orlovsky is the NFL's "cooler."

Orlovsky was a member of the Lions' winless team in 2008 -- he started seven games during that Detroit debacle (Orlovsky had his most memorable moment that year, accidentally running out of the back of the end zone for a safety against the Vikings). And now, three years later, he's a backup QB for the winless Colts. He also appeared in two games for the Lions in 2005 (both losses) and in one game for the Texans last season (...a loss).

If you're keeping score at home, not only is Orlovsky potentially headed for his second 0-16 season, his teams are a staggering 0-15 in any game that he's taken the field.

Short of getting help from a wizard or sacrificing a live chicken, there just doesn't appear to be anything Orlovsky can do to shake his depressing circumstances.

Orlovsky told the Indianapolis Star the obvious: He's not thrilled about the prospect of another empty season:

"You do everything you can to not go down that path," the veteran quarterback said Monday. "But in this league, nothing really surprises me anymore."


"No one wants to be a part of that," said Orlovsky, who was the starting quarterback for seven of the Lions' losses. "You don't get 365 chances (to win). You get 16 of them and we've got seven left."

Of course, misery loves company and all that jazz, so Orlovsky can take at least take some solace in the fact that he's not alone in his winless nightmare. Colts linebacker Ernie Sims was with the Lions from 2006-09 and started all 16 games during the terror of 2008.

Sims, however, went to the playoffs with the Eagles last year and has, you know, played in games that his team has actually won.

Still, the longer the Colts' win total stays on zero, the more of a reality it becomes that Orlovsky and Sims will be a part of some dubious NFL history ... again.

Can't a guy catch a break?