Bill Clark/Roll Call/Getty Images
Immortal polymath Chuck Norris writes a weekly column for Creators Syndicate. And as is indicated by his recent three-part series on the 10 reasons he wishes George Washington were still alive, it's important stuff. Now the morally upstanding, roundhouse-kicking meme All-Star is back with his take on a certain misunderstood football warrior hero:
Tebow is a player who rises to the occasion and delivers big in critical moments. He reminds me of myself when I used to compete in martial arts. I would spar with my black belts in class, and sometimes they would outscore me. Yet in the tournaments, I would defeat them. My students used to ask me, "Why is it that we can contend equally against you in class but can't beat you in the tournaments?" My answer was always the same: "When it counts, I rise to the occasion."
The same is true of the former Heisman Trophy winner: When pressure mounts and the game is on the line, Tim's turbo turns on. It has been said, "If a quarterback came through with a clutch, final-minute victory, he pulled a 'Tebow.'" And that is why he is the ultimate clutch player.
Tebow reminds Norris of himself. He has that rare clutchety gene that ensures he'll come through when everything's on the line--you can't teach that. Why, then, is Tebow unemployed? This is Obama's fault, right? Just asking questions.
There is one NFL franchise that Norris feels could buck the trend:
So what team do I feel should give Tim the opportunity to excel as a quarterback and usher it to Super Bowl status? My present pick would be the Jacksonville Jaguars. Why? To put it simply, it's because Tim could help turn that mediocre team into a championship one. Tebow works miracles on the field, and his inclusion would embolden the spirit of the Jaguars' players and fans.
Now, Jaguars general manager David Caldwell didn't mince words earlier this month when he said, "I can't imagine a scenario where Tim Tebow would be a Jacksonville Jaguar." But he probably also couldn't imagine a scenario where lethal political writer Chuck Norris was staring him down.
A previous version of this post said that Norris writes for Newsbusters, which is a site that picks it up in syndication.