As a more-succinct Alfred would say: Some men just want to watch the world. (All times Eastern)
MLB 2013 All Star Game, 8:00p.m. (Fox)
Matt Harvey will be the first pitcher to start an All Star Game in his home park since 2004, which isn't actually that long, come to think of it. Baseball years are like the opposite of dog years. In baseball years, Bryce Harper is still a fetus.
Soccer Gold Cup Group Stage: USA vs. Costa Rica, 8:00p.m. (Fox Soccer Channel)
The most recent matchup between these teams provided some of the best optics for a sporting event in recent memory.
Now if only Mother Nature could provide some snow in Hartford for a repeat. The forecast says there's a 10% chance of precipitation.
TV Nine for IX: Let Them Wear Towels, 8:00p.m. ESPN
Every sportswriter, man or woman, is uncomfortable interviewing naked athletes. I hate it. We all hate it. That said, cheers to the women who fought so hard for the right to feel so awkward.
NBA Summer League: Memphis Grizzlies vs. Phoenix Suns, 8:30p.m. (ESPN3)
The Suns elected to avoid an apparent injury risk by passing on Nerlens Noel with the fifth pick of this year's draft. Their more reliable choice? Alex Len, who will miss tonight's game because of surgery to repair one his two stress fractures, one in each leg.
College Football SEC Media Day, 1:00p.m. (ESPNU)
Want to watch a room full of grown men condescend to a 20-year-old for allegedly getting drunk on a Friday night in summer? How about the chance to watch those same men be treated as pestering toddlers by a head coach? There will be a lot of soundbites to come out of this one.
Olympic Sports World University Games Men's Basketball Gold Medal Game: Australia vs. Russia, 9:00p.m. (ESPNU)
The Aussie U20 team's official nickname is the Emerging Boomers, which might be the best nickname in sports outside of the Philippines basketball league.
TV Tonight Show with Jay Leno (Guest: Danica Patrick), 11:35p.m.On Sunday, Patrick started a wreck that ended up knocking her boyfriend Ricky Stenhouse Jr. out of the race. I'm sure her pals at GoDaddy can hook her up with a deal on the domain name imsorryforstartingacrashthatruinedyourrace.com.