Brett Smiley of Weekend Hot Clicks here with you this week, periodically shoveling snow, while Andy’s on Swimsuit Issue duty in Miami. Send online greeting cards and/or tips to basmiley [at] gmail [dot] com or hit me up on Twitter @brettsmiley.
Never Go Full Offerman
That's a reference to former major league infielder Jose Offerman, who once charged the mound with a bat in an Independent League game and struck two players. Yesterday in a Cuban League game, a man named Demis Valdes (who wasn't even in the game!) charged the mound with a bat and took a swing before opposing players subdued him. Fortunately Valdes' swing missed its target, which may explain why he wasn't in the lineup
Never Ever (Ever!) Sing Karaoke With Cam Newton and Colin Kaepernick
The QB duo co-hosted Cartoon Network‘s Hall of Game Awards and took turns butchering Katy Perry's "Roar." Good chance it's ever worse than you're picturing.
Don't Do That
Norwegian biathlete Emil Hegle Svendsen prematurely celebrated at the 15k biathlon finish line and barely held off a Frenchman's late charge. Considering Norway's head wax technician declared it a national tragedy when the women failed to medal in 4x5-kilometer relay, a collapse by Svendsen may have compelled him to join Edward Snowden in hiding.
Lovely Lady Round-up
The ever-lovely soccer talent Alex Morgan was among the athletes who modeled for this the 2014 Swimsuit Issue. Get her full gallery here. ... Enjoy the video showing Kate Upton's zero gravity photo shoot, proving that gravitational forces do not affect Kate's beauty (#science) ... You should follow Andy's non-vault account @AndyGray35 for photos from Swimsuit events in Miami ... Get a cornucopia of videos of this year's Swimsuit crew here. I'll offer rookie Samantha Hoopes' video:
Baseball Players Suffer the Dumbest Injuries
Pirates outfielder Travis Snider cut a finger on his left hand while chopping a sweet potato. That ranks about "six" on a scale from 0 to falling down while carrying Todd Helton's deer meat and breaking a collarbone.
The Time a Young Woman Tapped Out a Guy at a Party With a Chokehold
Poor sucker got schooled in jiu jitsu, immediately regretted his decision to fight her.
Portraits Of High School Girl Wrestlers
While we're on the topic of female fighters... BuzzFeed has some great portraits of brave young grapplers.
Odds & Ends
Vince McMahon looking to buy Newcastle United FC? ... Rick Pitino did not exactly say he hates social media ... Today marks the 13th anniversary of Dale Earnhardt’s passing. Check out some classic photos of the Intimidator ... All the great Norwegian curling team's pants in one great place ... Hilariously gigantic dogs ... CBS analysts Dan Marino and Shannon Sharpe are out, making way for Tony Gonzalez ... The women's U.S. Bobsled team dubs itself the Wolf Pack, lacks only a Zach Galifianakis portrait in its photo ... He's no Jay Pharaoh, but impressive Jay-Z impression by the Rays' Kevin Kiermaier.
These Fans Can Shoot
During intermission at a Nova Scotia hockey game, one fan sunk a $10,000 shot then another fan nailed a shot for a Ford F-150. [Thanks, Matt. T]
In Case You Missed It
Here's the official 2014 Swimsuit Issue teaser video.
Motivational Speaker Matt Foley, Before SNL
Splitsider turned up some video of Chris Farley circa 1990 playing his classic Foley character.
"One Inch of Snow" Horror Movie
Hide your kids. [Whit Wit]