Mustardite Brett Smiley here with you while Andy’s on Swimsuit duty in Miami. Send bar mitzvah hosting requests or tips to basmiley [at] gmail [dot] com or via Twitter @brettsmiley.
All Skis on Deck
While you were sleeping, three competitors crashed at the finish line of a men's ski cross quarterfinals race, producing the remarkable photo finish image above (courtesy must-follow @Sochi2014). Pictured is Russia’s Egor Korotkov, Sweden’s Victor Norberg and Jouni Pellinen of Finland, who are actually vying for second because Switzerland’s Armin Niederer was able to whiz by (upright!) while the trio sprawled out on the deck at the finish (update: here's the GIF). Thanks to an outstretched arm, Korotkov, who had been leading before the spill, was able to nab second. Alas, France swept the event in the finals. Scroll through above for some more all-time photo finishes.
Rory McIlroy Gives Fan a Horrible Souvenir
McIlroy's errant shot at the Accenture Match Play Championship claimed two victims: a cameraman (allegedly), and a fan who fell backwards into a jumping cholla cactus. Go to 1:40 of the video to watch a small team of sympathizers rip spines from the poor man's body.
Dwight Howard Joins "Howard Sucks" Chant, Rockets Get Last Laugh
If you can't quiet 'em, join 'em. Lakers fans greeted their former center (briefly) with a chorus of boos that continued into the start of the game, as well as a "Howard Sucks" chant that Dwight himself participated in. The visiting Rockets torched the Lakers, though, and got the last laugh with their own mocking "Howard Sucks" chant on the team bus. The second-to-last laugh goes to this Lakers fan by leaving Howard hanging. Very '90s, but, it worked.
Lovely Lady Of The Day
Meet today's Lovely Lady, Yael Plaza, a Peruvian fitness junkie living in Florida who says she's obsessed with her blue-eyed Husky, Cielo. She's a Redline Xtreme model and a Corona ring girl. Check her out on Instagram and Twitter.
Squirrel for Heisman
A contingent of rodents is helping this squirrel begin his 2014 campaign early.
NCAA Answers Oklahoma's Self-Reported Pasta Violation
Yesterday the Sooners advised the NCAA that it had committed a pasta violation. Looks like no scholarships or championships will be lost though.
Furry Hank Aaron
This marks our third animal-at-spring-training story this week, but here's the only critter that will get adopted: A stray dog began hanging around the Brewers facility, prompting the club to give the pup the name "Hank," bring him to the vet, and give him a home.
Odds & Ends
The Bucks are running a 1990's promotion "Fax It In to Win," appropriately offering a Coolio meet and greet as reward ... Arsenal's Wojciech Szczesny made the most of his red card ... Slovenia's Filip Flisar has a killer mustache ... Grant Balfour's truck looks like a combination of an 18-wheeler, a Mercedes van, and a Ford F-150 ... Ashley Wagner gets in on her meme ... Division II hoops game ends in a TIE ... Jodie Meeks trick shot -- and one.
Andy Roddick Takes One in the Junk
Walk it off, Andy. [Holdout Sports]
Say Hello to Natasha Barnard
Plenty more videos where this came from!
This Dad Laughs Hysterically at Youngsters Slipping on Ice
The best kind of spectator sport. [Total Frat Move]