Monday March 7th, 2016

Arkansas football coach Bret Bielema says, in the year 2016, that he just purchased his first app. It’s a little late for him to be getting into the game, but we commend him for taking the plunge. 

What could that app be, though? We’ve got a few ideas.

  • KIMOJI — To spice up his tweets.
  • Heads Up! — To bond with his assistants on those long recruiting trips.
  • Angry Birds — That’s what the kids are playing these days, right? (No, it’s not.)
  • Minecraft — So this is what kids are actually into?
  • 7 Minute Workout Challenge — He’s a busy guy. 
  • Goat Simulator — Perfect for a country boy.
  • Monopoly — Finally, a real game.
  • Sports Illustrated — To keep up with the latest news about his favorite teams, from his favorite writers. (It’s actually free.)
  • University of Arkansas Bands — Just to find out why it has a disclaimer about “frequent/intense realistic violence.”
  • NBA Jam — You know Bielema was really into this game when he was an assistant at Iowa in the 90s.
  • Sky Guide: View Stars Night or Day — To remind himself that, in the grand scheme of things, his existence is entirely insignificant.

We’ll file an open records request to see how many in-app purchases he’s making. 

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