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The Dean's List

Welcome to this week's installement of the Dean's List, where we're not superstitious, but still think it's pretty creepy that O.J. was found guilty on the 13th anniversary of his original murder acquittal after the jury deliberated for 13 hours and the trial lasted for 13 days.

• My mom is not a college football fan, but she is from the South, and she understands how things work below the Mason Dixon line. So when Vanderbilt beat Auburn, my mom called me all in a tizzy. That's not supposed to happen to the red-headed step child of the SEC. Vanderbilt isn't supposed to be undefeated five games into the season. Vanderbilt isn't supposed to lead the SEC East. And Vanderbilt isn't supposed to beat Auburn. But that's exactly what's transpired so far this season. With its 14-13 victory over the Tigers, Vandy moved to No. 13 in the nation and leads both Florida and Georgia in the SEC East. "Next thing you know," my mom said. "Duke's football team will win the ACC." Let's not go overboard here. Duke lost 27-0 to Georgia Tech on Saturday.

• Hey, you've earned it, so here is your weekly Division III women's volleyball update. In a shocker that no one saw coming, Lee University, the pride of Cleveland, Tennessee, beat the No. 2 team in the nation, Emory. And the Lady Flames did it in convincing fashion, sweeping three-straight sets from an Emory team that entered the contest on a 13-game winning streak. Previously, Lee was best known for producing Four Voices, the 1996 SPEBSQSA (Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barber Shop Quartet Singing in America) Collegiate Barbershop Quartet champion.

• I've got a buddy who says he would chop off a finger for a Super Bowl ring. Mesa State offensive lineman Trevor Wikre is a little more extreme. Wikre had his pinky finger chopped off so that he could return to the football field for the Mavericks game against Colorado-State Pueblo. Last Tuesday, Wikre got his finger caught in a defensive lineman's jersey and suffered a severe dislocation, which is a fancy way of saying that the bone was sticking out of the skin. Wikre could have had surgery, but his season would have been over. Instead, he opted for amputation. While he still missed Mesa State's 27-24 victory over Colorado Mines, he'll be back on the field for next week's game against Colorado State-Pueblo.

• Missouri quarterback Chase Daniel abused Nebraska on Saturday, throwing for 253 yards and three touchdowns on the way to a 52-17 thrashing. The victory was the Tigers' first over the Cornhuskers in Lincoln since 1978. You would think a performance like that would speak for itself. But after the game, Daniel accused the Huskers of spitting on him and throwing footballs at Missouri during pregame warmups. "I'm not going to say who it was," Daniel said. "He knows who it was and that's bush league." Nebraska coach Bo Pelini said he watched game film and didn't see any dirty play, but he'd investigate further and punish any player caught expectorating on his opponents.

• With little more than a minute on the clock and Wisconsin nursing a four-point lead, Camp Randall Stadium was surprisingly quiet. It wasn't the Wisconsin fans' fault. The stadium had lost its band. With no horns blaring in his ears, Ohio State quarterback Terrelle Pryor calmly took the snap, ran for an eleven-yard touchdown and the Buckeyes beat the Badgers. I think it's safe to say the absence of the Wisconsin marching band made the difference. The band was indefinitely suspended on Friday due to allegations of alcohol abuse and sexual misconduct. Is there anything tackier than band geeks getting drunk and sexually hazing each other?

Najeh Trenadious Monté Davenport. Go ahead, say it with me. It just rolls off the tongue. The former Miami running back was picked up by the Pittsburgh Steelers this week, which gives me the opportunity of recounting the story behind Davenport's nickname. When Green Bay drafted Davenport back in 2002, the Packer fans started calling him "Deuce" after he broke into a Barry University dorm room and defecated in Mary McCarthy's laundry basket. Charges of burglary and criminal mischief were eventually dropped in exchange for 100 hours of community service. So next time you're rounding first and you feel something burst, think about one hundred hours of picking up trash on the side of the highway.

• Santa Clara center John Bryant, who led the West Coast Conference last season in both rebounds and blocked shots, was stabbed three times last weekend in what police are describing as a "possibly gang related," incident, which is like O.J.'s conviction being described as "kind of poetic justice." Bryant was stabbed by three men who, according to the police, made comments that could possibly link them to a gang. So what did these three gangsters say while they were flailing away with a Swiss Army knife at a 6-foot-11, 275 lbs, giant? O'Doyle Rules!

Nate Miles is an agile, six-foot-seven shooting guard who attended five high schools before he was declared academically eligible to play basketball for Connecticut this season. Then he got stupid. Two weeks ago, a woman who claimed Miles had tried to force her to have sex with him served the sweet-shooting 20-year-old was served with a restraining order. A mere twenty minutes after receiving the order, Miles violated it by calling the woman. On Thursday, UConn expelled him. You would think a 20-year-old freshman would have enough sense not to call a woman right after she served him with a restraining order, but hey, maybe they didn't teach Miles that in any of his high schools.

Send all fight songs, rock ballads and lullabies to Jacob.Osterhout@gmail.com.

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