‘I Am Not an Angry Black Woman’
Courtesy Goldsticker Public Relations
In honor of Black History Month, Sports Illustrated is passing the pen to prominent Black voices across sports to reflect, reexamine legacies and share their stories and viewpoints on what lies ahead for the next generation of trailblazers.
I can’t remember exactly when I put on some gloves for the first time, but I know I wanted to start boxing at 11. And I remember the first time I sparred and got inside the ring. That’s when I knew that boxing is what I wanted to do in my life. I wanted to fight—and defeat—my competitor inside of the ring.
But no matter the challenger, I’ve always faced my biggest opponent outside of the ring. Dealing with the sexual abuse I suffered as a child and having to deal with my mom as a kid as she struggled with alcohol abuse—that's my biggest obstacle.
Growing up I didn't know how to express myself or deal with how I was feeling, which led to anger. At 26 years old, I'm just now being able to control my anger and deal with some of the trauma that still lives there from when I was sexually abused when I was 5 years old. And dealing with my mom—growing up and coping with her alcohol abuse left me with some abandonment issues. I always feel like somebody who cares about me is just going to leave me and stop caring about me. But I had to realize that her addiction wasn't her, it was the alcohol that was making her act the way that she did.
It takes you wanting to be a better person and seeking help to become better. I’m really applauding myself and any other woman who can live through those traumas and then go and get help, prioritizing mental health first and foremost.
It’s all a growing process. I have a great relationship with my mom now. She has been sober for so many years now. And she's better. She's healthy. But you have to deal with the things that made you feel super low or caused you trauma as a kid to be able to live happy adult years. That's just the truth about it.
Prioritizing mental health doesn’t just come from dealing with trauma or things that you’ve been through. When you’re a celebrity, when you’re the best in your sport, you have to deal with a lot of other mental health challenges. I am harassed by people constantly—they throw things, spit on my legacy, say mean things and call me bad names. At first, I didn’t know how to deal with it. It’s something that everybody should pay attention to. If you see somebody who needs some help, listen to them, help them and give them the best advice you can give.
Right now, mental health is in the spotlight in sports. In our African American communities, somehow, they built this stigma that there's is something wrong with going to get mental help. But everybody needs therapy. Everybody needs somebody to talk to, to vent to.
I feel a certain responsibility to pass on what I’ve learned, not only as a celebrity, as an athlete, but also as a Black woman. I'm always telling people: Look, it's O.K. to go and get help. I have four best friends who are females. And we all have therapists. We all go to therapy. And even though we're all at different stages in our lives, we all just try to be there for each other and let each other know that it's O.K. that if we're dealing with depression to go and get help, to speak with somebody, and to not let it overwhelm us to where we want to cause harm to ourselves or to others. To a point where we want to just go into a dark closet.
So I'm always trying to preach to people: Be the best you. That doesn't really include anybody else—how somebody looks at you or what they think, none of it matters. It’s about you. What do you think about? And if you feel like something is wrong with you, fix it. Work on it. But don't be letting people always judge you all the time and make you feel down about yourself.
Once you have that level of clarity, it brings you some peace. For me, that clarity helps me in the ring. At first, I was boxing to prove to everybody that women can box, that I can fight. And to prove that I have a voice.
But now that I've been able to deal with the things in my life that were causing me mental stress, now boxing is fun for me. I love boxing. It's my job. It's my hobby. MMA is fun to me. Learning is fun to me. And I don't do any of this because I'm an angry Black woman—I am not an angry Black woman. I'm a self-made, accomplished Black woman from Flint, Mich., who dug her way out the dirt to become successful. That’s my story.
