Whoever wins the 2019 NCAA tournament will likely not have a story as interesting as the one Sam Perkins shared about UNC's 1982 title team.
Just when you thought we hit a lull in March Madness, UNC provided a story that is sure to make your day.
No, not Roy Williams's Tar Heel squad that's headed to the Sweet 16 after an 81-59 thrashing of Washington. Dean Smith's first title team. The one with Michael Jordan and James Worthy and Sam Perkins.
In an appearance on the Scoop B and Reg podcast, Perkins was discussing some of the more wild moments he encountered during his days playing in college and in the NBA for 17 years, but he wanted to keep it PG-rated.
So he told this story about the 1982 UNC championship team celebrating its title in New Orleans shortly after beating Patrick Ewing's Georgetown squad 63-62.
Well, there's a lot that I can't say, but the safest thing I can say is that I was in New Orleans one time, and we had just won the championship in college. And the first thing I'm seeing ... like I come out the hotel and I guess this woman found out that we won the championship. And it's safe to see she just wanted me to sign her ass.
And believe it or not, there were already signatures on her ass. So, my teammate, Jimmy Black had signed it, cause I know what his signature looks like. James Worthy had signed it because I guess I was probably late trying to meet them to go to the French Quarter and she had three other signatures already.
So, her ass wasn't all that fat, but it was flat, so you could actually ... it was easy to sign.
Perkins shares the tale about 31 minutes into the episode if you want to take a listen for yourself, and I would highly recommend you do just that to fully enjoy the story.
Now if Cameron Johnson and Coby White and Naz Little and Luke Maye win a title in Minneapolis in a few weeks, they know what is expected from them by their Tar Heel brethren.
Grab a marker, and find a consenting booty. Emphasis on consenting.