Media days: Questions you most certainly (probably) won't hear

Can you feel it? College football media days are here. It's time for generalizations, sweeping statements, Heisman Trophy talk and mention of how effective various offseason conditioning programs have been. It's time for coaches to play nice (and not so nice) before fall camps begin in full force. SEC Media Days expanded to four days this year, and the festivities kick off on Monday.

When taken for what they are, media days offer a chance to feel out a conference as a whole. With a limited number of interviews and a relative cornucopia of reporters, one runs the risk of asking the wrong thing (or, more likely, asking a question someone else has already asked). Still, it's an overload of football information just in time to satiate those desperate for football information.

While most people have jobs to do, it's fun to take a second to let it all sink in: Beat writers scrambling, student journalists with eyes as big as salad bowls, cliques of old friends going through it together like it's Media Days: The College Years. It's fun, and it's supposed to be. 

Through it all, though, I wish there were a few more outlandish questions. Sometimes, it's close -- an out-of-town journalist mistakes the quarterback who looks 40 for the coach, or a national writer attempts to ask every single player about Johnny Manziel -- but people largely try to stay in their lanes. 

Here are a few questions you most certainly (probably) won't hear at media days, for better or for worse.

• "Coach, talk a little bit about LeBron James and The Decision 2.0."
• "With this new sharing economy, do you ever think about what it would be like if you could coach at another stadium during a team's bye week? Or potentially borrow equipment? Or, heck, maybe, I don't know, have someone pick you up at the airport using their own personal car?"
• "Hey, what time is it?"
• "Is a hot dog a sandwich?"
• "Coach, talk about the inevitability of death and how it relates to the College Football Playoff, and also if that death drive is a source of motivation this season."
• "Do you think we'll ever go back to the moon? Do you feel this generation is missing out on the power of staring up at the stars and thinking what if?"
• "Would you consider yourself more of an Arya Stark or a Jon Snow?"
• "Do you miss Philip Seymour Hoffman? I miss him an awful lot."
• "What's in The Cloud?"
• "Coach, uh, talk about climate change and fall practice and if your guys will be ready for your game against Wisconsin."
• "So, like, you know how in Inception the top is spinning but they don't show if it tips or keeps spinning ..."
• "Do you like football?"
• "Are you sure?"
• "Talk about why you like football."
• "Coach, what does it all mean?"