The news story really speaks for itself. Chris Perez, best known for a range of hellacious behavior (including, but not limited to: hucking a ball over the centerfield fence in disgust after a win, lambasting his own fans (twice), cursing out opposing fans, taunting opposing batters), made a risky purchase recently... and he ended up with the Feds at his door.
Read the excellent write up here, but know this detail: Perez and his wife, Melanie, had 5.7 ounces of pot sent to their home under the name "Brody Baum." The couple's dog name is Brody and Melanie's maiden name is Baum. Crafty.
The 163.9 grams' worth of purchase means Perez and his wife could face a $250 fine or 30 days in jail. Perez stated that the pot was for "personal use," which while plausible, amounts to somewhere between 160-320 joints (the most active pot message boards suggest a proper joint contains .5 grams and 1 gram. I made sure to search this in a Google Incognito window).
Perez joins some dubious, but amusing company with his rather silly crime.
1) Nate Newton
The former Dallas Cowboys lineman and six-time Pro Bowler was pulled over in a van carrying 213 pounds (or roughly the weight of Emmitt Smith in his playing days) of marijuana in Louisiana. Or, as Rick Reilly put it in a 2001 column "that would be enough for 141,769 joints or, used medicinally, enough to make a blind man see."
2) Corie Blount
The former first round pick and 11-year NBA veteran was sentenced to a year in prison after trafficking 11 pounds of marijuana from his grandmother's home in Ohio, and the police eventually found 18 more pounds at his residence. Blount (fitting last name, right?) tried to claim that the pot was "for personal use," but Judge Craig Hedric rejected the claim and told Blount "Cheech and Chong would have a hard time smoking that much."
3) Jerome Simpson (left) and Anthony Collins
The former Bengals teammates were implicated after having 2.5 pounds of pot sent from Eureka, California (home of the Emerald Triangle) to a residence in northern Kentucky. The cops eventually found six more pounds inside the house, but the front-flipping Simpson would only serve 15 days in jail.
4) Michael Phelps
Obviously. Phelps wasn't arrested for his notorious bong hit, but he did issue a series of apologies for his behavior. Slate asked a pertinent question with a great headline after the photo surfaced: "Does Michael Phelps extraordinary lung capacity allow him to take monster bong hits?"
5) Jordan Schafer
The current Braves outfielder was arrested in 2011 for felony possession of marijuana after he was caught smoking a joint at a traffic stop in Tampa. He admitted to the officer that he had an additional stash, where the officer would find three "small marijuana peanut butter cups." Sounds like he knew how to beat the munchies.