Ranking the Tony Hawk Pro Skater soundtrack, 15 years later
This song is awful. Even adjusting for the general awfulness of the rap-rock genre as a whole, this is a poor showing. Even Rude earns an instant restart when you begin a run and discover this will be your musical accompaniment for the next two minutes.
Have you ever wondered what a collaboration between 311 and Sammy Haggar-era Van Halen would sound like? Of course not, but if you did this song would be the answer you got.
This is a weirdly xenophobic song about Europeans failing to give the singer the proper amount of personal space. While that would certainly be bothersome, it is a very specific topic for a song.
This song is not great, but it is a shining example of the Tony Hawk soundtrack's general style. It is also almost exactly two minutes long, which make it the perfect length to snag S-K-A-T-E, throw up a Pro Score, and maybe clear the fountain gap.
This is the type of snappy pop punk that made it easy to accidentally play THPS for three hours instead of studying for a history test. Why learn about Seward's folly when you can spend your whole afternoon trying to 5-0 grind all the way around a warehouse quarterpipe.
Did you know Speedealer was originally know as REO Speedealer until they were sued by REO Speedwagon? Well, they were, and it is a shame they didn't stick with that name because it is way better than just Speedealer.
This is the first song on the soundtrack that stands up without a hearty dose of nostalgia, mainly because it is just a bunch of noise, which is perfect for zoning out during a particularly late night at the virtual skate park.
How could you have a skateboarding game without a song mocking skaters' eternal enemies, police officers? And who better to deliver it than California's finest anti-authoritarians, The Dead Kennedys?
I would sometimes just restart runs over and over until I heard this song's unmistakable intro riff. "Jerry Was A Race Car Driver" guarantees a 25% increase in total score for that run.
Be sure to come back next year to see what the top track of our Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 rankings is. (Spoiler alert: It's "Bring the Noise" by Anthrax and Public Enemy.)
- Brendan Maloy