Pro Wrestling’s Greatest Tell-All Autobiographies – Part 2

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Welcome back as Extra Mustard reviews five more of wrestling’s hardest-hitting autobiographies. For Part 1, click here.

. To Be the Man

Ric Flair with Keith Elliot Greenberg

Future Outlook: Flair has just been honored by WWE’s entire locker room with a moving post-show tribute at a May 2003 Raw. He tells fans that his wrestling days are not over “by a long shot”; his WWE in-ring career would conclude in 2008 with the classic WrestleMania 24 match against his personal friend Shawn Michaels. Flair still makes periodic appearances for WWE, and his daughter (wrestling as Charlotte) is the organization’s NXT Women’s Champion.

. Hitman; My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling

Bret Hart

Future Outlook: Bleak as hell. Hart wraps up his book by placing all hope in a sharpshooter and wrenching up tight. He declares that the wrestling business is dead to him, and compares himself twice to a polar bear. This description brings to mind images of the grizzled pink-and-black titan plodding off an ice floe in some cautionary Al Gore film. Fortunately, Hart has since penned a new afterword to his story. The Hitman has mended fences with McMahon and Michaels(!), and is now fully re-embraced by the company he once led. He’s been feted at the WWE-sponsored Bret Hart Appreciation Night, returned to the ring to win the organization’s U.S. Championship, and been the subject of numerous DVD anthologies showcasing why he is the Best There Is, the Best There Was, and the Best There Ever Will Be.

. Undisputed: How to Become the World Champion in 1,372 Easy Steps

Chris Jericho with Peter Thomas Fornatale

Future Outlook: This book concludes the same way as Jericho’s first autobiography: with Y2J walking through the curtain to make a mystery-man appearance before a psyched Raw crowd. His reemergence is preceded by Jericho showing up backstage, clotheslining some random guy, then throwing his arms out in a celebratory Jesus Christ pose. To find out what happened next, check out Nicole Conlan’s look at Jericho’s new book The Best in The World (At What I Have No Idea).

. If They Only Knew

Chyna (The Ninth Wonder of the World)

Future Outlook: Chyna walks us through her recent Playboy shoot, affirming that, “Milking a cow with your feet is more glamorous than leaning forward on all fours while a guy standing behind you shines a spotlight on your ass.” Nonetheless, she writes that she loves what she does, and gives the impression that she’s in WWE for the long haul. This is the pro wrestling equivalent of a hair-metal rock star penning a 1991 autobiography in which he brags that his future’s never been brighter. Chyna left WWE the same year this book was published and has never returned. Her career took a prolonged downward spiral as she appeared on several reality television shows and other, more unsavory fare. Put it this way: the first sentence of Chyna’s Wikipedia page states that she is a former “professional wrestler, actress, bodybuilder, and pornographic film actress.”

. Bobby the Brain; Wrestling’s Bad Boy Tells All

Bobby Heenan with Steve Anderson

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