Suggestions for the next career of fired NFL head coaches

Monday January 4th, 2016

So, quite a few NFL coaches have been fired in the last couple weeks. Most fans are excited and knee-deep in rumors for who will takeover for their favorite team. Here at Extra Mustard, we’re worried about the future of those who’ve been let go. Fortunately, we have some career suggestions on how some recently fired head coaches can find some fulfillment in their lives. 

Jim Tomsula, Police officer

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Close your eyes and picture a police officer. Now look at a picture of Jim Tomsula. Identical right?

Tom Coughlin, Motivational speaker for senior citizens

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Tom Coughlin is old, but time has not quelled his desire to help other people succeed, so why not help his fellow senior citizens by yelling at them to play shuffleboard harder. Just make sure there are no retired punters around, he does not like those guys.

Mike Pettine, head coach of the Browns

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Listen the Browns are just going to hire some other guy you haven't heard of and fire him in a couple of years. Mike Pettine has experience being that guy. It is a perfect fit. Plus he already has bunch of Browns gear.

Chip Kelly, Hip juice bar owner

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Chip Kelly’s new-age methods may or may not have worked in the NFL, but they would be perfect for a neighborhood juice bar. You remember those smoothies Kelly had specially designed for each of his Eagles’ players? Imagine bringing that technology around the corner from your house. Kelly would administer the proper tests wearing a one-size-too-small neon shirt, and then you never have to think about what you’re having for breakfast ever again.

Dan Campbell, L.A. Fitness trainer

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I’m pretty sure whenever Dan Campbell flexes, it causes a hurricane on the other side of the world. Where else would his muscular, motivational talents be better served than at an L.A. Fitness? Campbell would have you bench pressing more than you could ever imagine, and one can only imagine how firm and reassuring his pats on the butt are.

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