Oregon quarterbacks would really appreciate it if the school would un-pluralize its nickname and go with
Why? Well, dating back to October of last year, injuries to Oregon quarterbacks have been crucial, plentiful, and strangely, as predictable as oceanic tides (or arrests at Penn State):
Now, people are just hunting for answers. Coaches, players, fans, disinterested alums -- they're all begging for answers to what's going on. They'll buy Ouija boards. They'll hire exorcists. They'll look up the kid from The Sixth Sense. They're desperate to know if there's a bigger black cloud looming over all Oregon-related interests. In which case, they'd love to fly the coup.
It'd be all too easy to pin this misfortune on
And while there are probably a few other schools of thought out there blaming the Ducks' conditioning on the grounds crew or the BCS, the fact remains that being an Oregon quarterback right now is like skydiving without a parachute, and nobody in this world -- or maybe even the next -- has any idea why.
So instead of trying to rationalize anything, perhaps we should just go with the obvious, even if it makes little sense. Maybe there really is a curse. Maybe we should embrace it. Maybe we should caution our children against playing quarterback in the Pacific Northwest, going to Oregon, or even feeding ducks at local ponds. Maybe this could catch on!
Call it what you will, but it could be that we're witnessing the emergence of the next great college football jinx. And for what it's worth, the
Two weeks ago, after their eighth-ranked Mountaineers scored only three points against East Carolina and lost their BCS Championship bid, officials at West Virginia reacted in the most logical way you would've expected: They signed their greenhorn head coach to a six-year extension. What's next, a series of fines for good play?
West Virginia's decision to hire
And in the meantime, while you're trying to figure out why the heck Stewart was even offered an extension, see if you can figure out why
A few weeks ago, some wacko science types were concerned that physicists experimenting with a massive particle collider along the Franco-Swiss border would inadvertently trigger a giant, earth-swallowing black hole. So heaven only knows what they expected when
There are just too many questions to ask. For starters, explain to me how this could have possibly flown under the radar the way it did. Seriously. Is there a reason more people weren't talking about a matchup between two of the most notorious two-timers in the world of college athletics? Wasn't this its own end-of-the-world scenario waiting to happen? Weren't people in Reynolds Razorback Stadium at all nervous that a supernatural phenomenon of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man variety would emerge and destroy the premises? Wasn't it a public safety violation to not at least make patrons aware of the unholy implications? It's a wonder that Fayetteville isn't a giant crater after Saturday's meeting.
The era of lucrative coaching contracts has brought with it awkward, weekly coaches' television shows. Are such programs required nowadays for the men who helm major college football programs, or is it just an added perk, like having access to a private jet? Ahh, who cares! We here at Quick Slants hope local cable providers continue turning a blind eye to fluff programming and clumsy humor, because, well, we need things to write about.
(Seriously, we do.)
Anyway, a big thank you goes out to Texas Tech's
1) Take your woman to a restaurant that doesn't offer salad.
2) Continue the night by visiting a place with "bizarre-looking characters."
3) Exchange "computer schemes" at the end of the date (unless, of course, your name is
Got it. In related news,
1. Better Big 12 quarterback:
2. More underrated team:
4. Better :Hotel": Tokio or
5. Bigger BCS sleeper:
6. Likelier BCS title matchup: Pac-10 vs. SEC or
7. Better Yankee Stadium: Old Yankee Stadium or
8. More likeable cookie:
9. Better tailgating venue: Notre Dame or
10. Likelier Saturday victor: Alabama or
From proud Georgia alum
To answer your question: No, I don't.