Z-Mail: Picking an all-animal team and why coaching matters in NFL
My editor loved the following email so much he nearly fainted. Last time I noticed, the ladies from the eighth floor were up there fanning away, furiously. So the correspondent who carries the near-anonymous tag of
"The ultimate football question: How would you compose an All-Animal Kingdom football team, assuming the species could be trained? My own team would be as follows:
"It's still incomplete and has a few question marks yet. Can you do better?"
Hmmm, how about a scorpion for an owner? My trainer would be a snake, to help guard against a reptile dysfunction. And if I'd choose from the creatures of the sea I'd have a shrimp returning punts. But on to serious things.
Bill's little fable reminded me of the story about the annual game between the big animals and the little animals. Early in the game the big animals get a drive going, right down the field for a score. Later in the half they get off another one. Down they come, right down to the little animals' five-yard line.
First down, they run the lion off tackle and the centipede stops him cold. Second down, they run the zebra on a pitchout and the centipede breaks through and spills him for a loss. On third and long, the bear goes back to pass and the centipede sacks him. They call time out and kick a field goal just before halftime. On the way to the locker rooms, the bear catches up to the centipede.
"You're the one who stopped the lion and the zebra on the first two downs, aren't you?"
"Yeah," says the centipede.
"And then sacked me, right?"
The centipede nods.
'So where the hell were you while we were marching up and down the field?"
"In the locker room," the centipede says, "getting my ankles taped."
• Now on to personal stuff.
Gosh, what a shame. Personally, I'm having just a swell old time here in Jersey, heating beans on the radiator.
Sorry. Just getting bored a bit and trying to liven things up, to which the Redhead would add, "and failing," if she were here instead of doing the waltz number with all those fancy dudes while I sit by the window and...OK, OK, I'll answer your question, Warren, since you've always been a reasonable person.
• Still on the Anderson subject,
• The sophomore slump concerns
• Jay of Charlotte, N.C., gives me a tough choice. The Giants must decide which runner to keep,
Based on this, the Dolphs put a running attack out there that would march down the field with merciless efficiency. OK, the Titans like to run the ball but they don't terrify anybody. Oh yes, when the Dolphins wanted to throw, they had Hall of Fame