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Behind irrepressible Ozzie Guillen, Marlins are as wild, zany as ever

Zany. It used to be that all kinds of stuff was described as "zany," but it seems to have mostly gone out for fancier words like "dysfunctional." Now, I
Frank Deford|
Behind irrepressible Ozzie Guillen, Marlins are as wild, zany as ever
Behind irrepressible Ozzie Guillen, Marlins are as wild, zany as ever

Zany.

It used to be that all kinds of stuff was described as "zany," but it seems to have mostly gone out for fancier words like "dysfunctional."

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Now, I bring this up because most sports franchises are pretty standard issue. Oh, some are rich, some poor, some win, some lose, but only one currently, to my mind, descends to the dear old level of zany. That is the Miami Marlins, formerly the Florida Marlins, or, now, as I like to call them, given their location in Little Havana, the Los Zanyos.

It's just that the Marlins seldom make sense and usually in a comic mode. Like last year, they had an 80-year-old manager. That is so zany. The Marlins are usually a terrible team, but, incredibly, every few years, like the cicadas coming out of the ground, they mysteriously reappear before their erstwhile handful of fans, make the wild card and actually win the World Series. One year they whipped the absolutely un-zany Yankees themselves. Another time they denied poor Cleveland its first championship since 1948 by winning in the 11th inning of the seventh game. Then, after the Marlins win, all the good players disappear, and the team goes back into the ground for a few more years.

It is reliably reported to be reappearing this season.

After all, the Marlins have somehow managed to get a new stadium built with money from who knows where at a time when every other structure in Miami-Dade County is in foreclosure. Oh, did I tell you the SEC is investigating the stadium deal? Only Los Zanyos could get the SEC involved in baseball.

The Marlins have a giddy new logo with more colors than Joseph had in his coat of many. What will the Marlins think of next? Well, how 'bout an aquarium behind home plate? OK, only the animal rights people say the fish are "terrified." Does this make the Marlins terrorists? What a sitcom concept. Zany terrorists.

And, of course, surely you know that the new Marlins manager, the irrepressible Ozzie Guillen, was suspended for saying "I love Fidel Castro."

Look, so many famous people are interviewed every day that, by the laws of chance, a certain number are bound to say something they kinda sorta really didn't mean to put it in that context. OK, fair enough. But: "I love Fidel Castro?" This is like saying, "Bring back polio," or "Hooray for fire, plague and pestilence." Talk about terrifying the fish.

Also, for the fifth year in a row the Marlins have a new motto -- all of which have been singularly dull. May I suggest for 2013 just, "Here are your zany Miami Marlins." Or, "Aqui, Cubanos amigos: Los Zanyos."

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Frank Deford
FRANK DEFORD

Frank Deford is among the most versatile of American writers. His work has appeared in virtually every medium, including print, where he has written eloquently for Sports Illustrated since 1962. Deford is currently the magazine's Senior Contributing Writer and contributes a weekly column to SI.com. Deford can be heard as a commentator each week on Morning Edition. On television he is a regular correspondent on the HBO show Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel. He is the author of 15 books, and his latest,The Enitled, a novel about celebrity, sex and baseball, was published in 2007 to exceptional reviews. He and Red Smith are the only writers with multiple features in The Best American Sports Writing of the Century. Editor David Halberstam selected Deford's 1981 Sports Illustrated profile on Bobby Knight (The Rabbit Hunter) and his 1985 SI profile of boxer Billy Conn (The Boxer and the Blonde) for that prestigious anthology. For Deford the comparison is meaningful. "Red Smith was the finest columnist, and I mean not just sports columnist," Deford told Powell's Books in 2007. "I've always said that Red is like Vermeer, with those tiny, priceless pieces. Five hundred words, perfectly chosen, crafted. Best literary columnist, in any newspaper, that I've ever seen." Deford was elected to the National Association of Sportscasters and Sportswriters Hall of Fame. Six times at Sports Illustrated Deford was voted by his peers as U.S. Sportswriter of The Year. The American Journalism Review has likewise cited him as the nation's finest sportswriter, and twice he was voted Magazine Writer of The Year by the Washington Journalism Review. Deford has also been presented with the National Magazine Award for profiles; a Christopher Award; and journalism honor awards from the University of Missouri and Northeastern University; and he has received many honorary degrees. The Sporting News has described Deford as "the most influential sports voice among members of the print media," and the magazine GQ has called him, simply, "The world's greatest sportswriter." In broadcast, Deford has won a Cable Ace award, an Emmy and a George Foster Peabody Award for his television work. In 2005 ESPN presented a television biography of Deford's life and work, You Write Better Than You Play. Deford has spoken at well over a hundred colleges, as well as at forums, conventions and on cruise ships around the world. He served as the editor-in-chief of The National Sports Daily in its brief but celebrated existence. Deford also wrote Sports Illustrated's first Point After column, in 1986. Two of Deford's books, the novel, Everybody's All-American, and Alex: The Life Of A Child, his memoir about his daughter who died of cystic fibrosis, have been made into movies. Two of his original screenplays have also been filmed. For 16 years Deford served as national chairman of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, and he remains chairman emeritus. He resides in Westport, CT, with his wife, Carol. They have two grown children – a son, Christian, and a daughter, Scarlet. A native of Baltimore, Deford is a graduate of Princeton University, where he has taught American Studies.

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