Tweets of the Week

You know it's going to be a great date when she leaves to go to the bathroom and tells you not to put anything in her drink.

Went to the dentist earlier today...asked him if I gave a bad first impression

No I'm not watching the debate. Had band practice, and I'm not interested in watching one millionaire jabber at another millionaire.

"At halftime the coach told me some canned nonsense that is neither useful or interesting to you at home"- every sideline reporter

R.I.P to the frog I ran over in my driveway. I didn't even see the little guy. Forgive me, frog gods.

Would be cool if sharks were capable of exploring the land and observing us. Being diplomatic, of course.

Jim Lehrer is probably thinking this is the toughest debate he's moderated since the Martin Van Buren/William Henry Harrison debates of 1836

My wife is definitely the person who still always buys the CDs in line at Starbucks

Do some people honestly not understand that driving a convertible is not cool in any way?

Watching "Point Break" Keanu Reeves best movie. Patrick Swayze was a Gee in this flick.

I don't have no endorsements....obviously I'm not marketable...so any shoe u see me ballin in ... I paid fo just like u...

I think everybody has a friend that thinks they can sing and needs to be on X factor to settle it for once and all.. That friend is me!! Lol

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