Welcome back to The Crossover’s weekly social media power rankings, where we determine who won the week off the court. The fourth week of the NBA season gave us one of the greatest tweets in NBA history, a nose-pick, and the breakout performance of Thon Maker’s career. We’ll rank performances from best to worst. Here’s how the week shook out:
1. Bill Walton
NBA legend Bill Walton came through with the best tweet in league history, and quite possibly one of the best of the year, when his bike went missing this week. While traveling with Hawaiian Airlines, his bike—which he’s said is one of the most important things in his life—somehow went missing. What’s more, he waited for five hours in the airport, and his bike never showed up. How do you misplace a bike, guys?
This is where things got really good. Hawaiian Airlines tweeted back at Walton, asking if he could send along his email and his flight confirmation code in a private message.
His response was one of the greatest lines of text these eyes have ever seen.
Are you going to email him his bike? Get the hell out of here with your weak time-wasting tweets. Find the bike. Send the bike to Bill. He’s Bill Walton, you don’t need any more information. You find that bike. You don’t need his email, are you going to email the bike?
They did find that bike, and I’d be willing to bet Bill didn’t send that private message.
Underrated part of the entire story? He thanked nearly every single person who tweeted to congratulate him on finding his bike, and those who pestered Hawaiian Airlines to find it.
2. Klay Thompson
Big week for Klay. He casually sipped a Coors Light during an interview, out of nowhere! A very boss move, even if it was a Coors Light.
He also has no idea how to hold a fish:
3. Devin Booker
Ejections aren’t supposed to look cool, but somehow D-Book pulled it off. Signing autographs and talking to kids on the way out is how more people should handle them.
4. Jordan Clarkson
Kelly Parker, a digital editor at the Los Angeles Times, found a gem of a photo from Tuesday’s Nets–Lakers game of Joe Harris reaching for Jordan Clarkson’s nostril.
Clarkson loooooved this.
5. Kevin Durant
Look, KD and Drake have apparently been friends for awhile, but he did the Toronto-based recording artist dirty on “Drake Night” on Wednesday.
There’s a 75% chance Durant is joking here, but I like to think he isn’t, and he’s sick and tired of Drake. Either way, this was pretty funny.
6. Thon Maker
Why didn’t anyone tell me Thon Maker was this funny? And listen to that Batman impression. It’s flawless!
7. David Blaine
He freaked the hell out of Jimmy Butler and Steph Curry by spitting out a frog. Also, Drake was there—he’s kind of an NBA player, I guess. And Dave Chappelle!
8. Doris Burke
Drake asked her out on ESPN, and she answered.
9. Chris Paul
There were two times that CP3 did something awesome this week. First, he head-butted DeAndre Jordan and quickly realized it was a terrible idea.
He also ran a fastbreak with his entire family!
10. Tyler Johnson
Self-explanatory. The Heat actually sell this shirt, here.
BONUS: Metta World Peace tweets of the week