The most memorable moments from the eminently quotable Jose Mourinho

Former Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho, who was fired Thursday, could always be counted on for a good quote. Here are 15 of his best. 
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Now that Chelsea has fired manager Jose Mourinho, European soccer will be infinitely less interesting. Mourinho could always be counted on to provide a memorable clip or sound bite, and those are what we’ll miss most until he lands another job.

In honor of The Special One’s departure from Stamford Bridge, here are some of his best moments. 

Comparing players to produce

“Young players are a little bit like melons. Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100% sure that the melon is good.”

Players are also like eggs

After cutting his hair short

“I did it because I want to push my son to do the same. I also did it because I want to push the young players on my team to have a proper haircut, not the Rastafarian or the others they have.”

Getting shoved by Arsene Wenger

Here’s the shove, slowed down in Zapruder-esque glory:


Accusing a rival manager of conspiring with the refs

“When I saw Rijkaard entering the referee's dressing room I couldn't believe it. When Drogba was sent off I didn't get surprised.”

A humblebrag for the ages

“You can’t win the treble every season. But I’ve done it twice and I think twice is quite a lot.”

Comparing a stadium ban to the cinema

“For me, it's very similar to going to a cinema and somebody tells me 'you are not allowed to come in.' Or I go to a shop to buy a pair of shoes and somebody tells me 'you cannot come into the shop to buy a pair of shoes.'”

He’s very good looking

“If they made a film of my life, I think they should get George Clooney to play me. He’s a fantastic actor and my wife thinks he would be ideal.”

The quote that led to his nickname

Graham Poll is not his favorite ref

“If you ask me if I jump with happiness when I know Mr. Poll is our referee? No.”

Calling Wenger a “voyeur”

“He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families.”

Accusing Lionel Messi of flopping

“Barcelona is a cultural city with many great theatres and this boy [Lionel Messi] has learned very well. He’s learned play-acting.”

When his team was plagued by injuries

“It is like having a blanket that is too small for the bed. You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket becuase the supermarket is closed. But I am content because the blanket is cashmere. It is no ordinary blanket.”

Throwing his former player under the bus

“I am no longer Chelsea coach and I do not have to defend them any more, so I think it is correct if I say Drogba is a diver.”

Telling a reporter to use Google instead of asking stupid questions


Chelsea is nothing without him

“Why have Chelsea suffered so much since I left? Because I left.”

He’s not a wizard

“Look, I’m a coach, I’m not Harry Potter. He is magical, but in reality there is no magic. Magic is fiction and football is real.”

On Newcastle’s boring strategy

“You may as well put a cow in the middle of the pitch, walking. And then stop the game because there was a cow.”

Inter can beat AC Milan with only half a team

“We would have only lost if there were six Inter players left on the pitch. Everything was done to stop Inter winning this game but we were perfect.”

Calling Wenger a “specialist in failure”


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[The Telegraph]