You would think that being on holiday in America with one of the world's most prestigious football clubs would be a pretty fun gig, but Jose Mourinho's misery continues to defy all expectations.
Mourinho went full Mourinho after Manchester United lost 4-1 to Liverpool in Michigan on Saturday, calling out everybody including the referee, the club's owners, his own players and, perhaps most bizarrely, the supporters for showing up to the match.
I wish someone would tell him that a smile doesn't cost anything, but then he'd probably just complain about a lack of financial investment.
Let's start with Mourinho's comments about his own squad. Five of the players who started in Ann Arbor on Saturday didn't see a minute of Premier League action last season, so they can't be blamed too much for caving in against a strong Liverpool side.
Oh no wait, they can, apparently. Rather than defend his players, Mourinho chose to throw them under the bus that they failed to park, claiming that the players with him in the USA represent "not even 30%" of his full strength team, and that the game "gave me nothing" as a result.
Mourinho obviously subscribes to the hard love school of man management. Either that, or he has a complete lack of interpersonal skills.
Regardless, the Twitterverse was not best impressed with his reaction.
So transparent that José Mourinho is unhappy with the way Ed Woodward has conducted this transfer window. Obviously hasn’t signed the players he wants.— Liam Canning (@LiamPaulCanning) July 29, 2018
But that doesn’t mean it’s OK for Mourinho to rubbish the players he has for pre-season. Really not a good look.
It's almost as if Mourinho wants United to fail, so he (once again) can put the blame on someone else than himself. Wether it's Woodward, Martial, Shaw or a group of youngsters trying to break through— Sam Vittig (@Qritikk) July 29, 2018
I genuinely cannot believe Mourinho is going into a new campaign so negatively. It’s bizarre & not conducive to having a productive season. Rounding on players whilst singling others out for special praise, trying to deflect pressure onto Klopp. It’s no going to end well mate— Maurice Kilbride (@MauriceKilbride) July 29, 2018
Mourinho even claimed that Alexis Sanchez was frustrated because of the calibre of the players alongside him. The Chilean, one of the few first team regulars on the US tour, was visibly frustrated at the lack of service to him on Saturday.
"Do you want Sanchez to be very happy with the players he has around him? We are here just to survive and to have some not very ugly results," he said.
These comments did not look good for Mourinho, particularly when compared with Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola's different take on working with young players.
🗣 Pep Guardiola:— The Sportsman (@TheSportsman) July 29, 2018
"You cannot imagine how much I have enjoyed these two weeks with these guys. The young guys have desire."
"Do you want Sanchez to be very happy with the players he has around him? We are here just to survive and to have some not very ugly results." pic.twitter.com/NByc68mfln
I know they’re United players, but they’re kids first. This stage is crucial for their development. Would hate to be in their shoes right now.— oxfordsandtea 🏳️🌈 (@oxfordsandtea) July 28, 2018
Earlier he used to park the bus, now he just runs it over his teammates— Sinha (@hsinha586) July 29, 2018
Mourinho even questioned United's American following for showing up to the game, effectively saying that he doesn't think his young players are worth the price of admission.
"The atmosphere in the stadium was good but if I was them I wouldn't come. I wouldn't spend my money to see these teams," he said.
And then there was his comments about the referee, who awarded Liverpool two penalties during the game. At this point, Mourinho went off the rails and basically just started shouting American buzzwords.
"They were called by the baseball federation and thought it was baseball but found out it was soccer," he claimed. It is assumed that this was a criticism rather than Mourinho spreading the word about an actual administrative error.
If Mourinho plays FIFA and loses, he will still blame the ref.— Mr Kene (@meetkeneesq) July 28, 2018
Baseball has three strikes right? Jose never survives 3 years.— Fields Of Anfield Road (@FOARsite) July 28, 2018
Tick tock. 🕒
Even babies weren't safe from Mourinho's wrath. Anthony Martial had the temerity to be by his wife's side as she gave birth to their son this week, but Mourinho felt that the Frenchman's priorities were askew.
With Liverpool full back Nathaniel Clyne having also become a father recently, it didn't take long for people to compare Mourinho's cold-heartedness with the more cuddly reaction of Jurgen Klopp.
Klopp: "I've seen a picture. A little Clyney! There are more important things in life than football and babies are definitely one of them."— LFC Fans Corner (@LFCFansCorner) July 29, 2018
Mourinho: "Martial had the baby, and after the baby, baby full of health, thank god. He should be here and he's not here."
And if you wanted another manager's quotes to confirm that, yeah, babies are kind of a big deal and maybe more important than football, here's Guardiola from earlier in the year.
Jose has taken on and beaten some challenging opponents in his time, but going up against the institution of fatherhood might be one battle that he can't win.