Argentina and Napoli legend Diego Maradona has been in the news of late, and it's not just because he has an excellent-looking documentary coming out about his, err, tumultuous life.
No, it's because, just like any great aggregator, he knows how to get clicks: talk about the circus show that is Manchester United.
Speaking to FourFourTwo, the 58-year-old explained: “If Manchester [United] need a coach, I’m the man to do it." Well then, that settles it.
But, if you're in need of a bit more convincing, here are all seven of the definitive reasons why Diego should be at the wheel.
Now, the question you have to ask of any skill that a potential United gaffer may have, is 'does Paul Ince have it too?' This time, the answer is probably yes, but still, coming from Maradona it has a bit more oomph to it.
Yes, surprise, surprise, one of the most unabashedly charismatic/eccentric players the game has ever seen is not too worried about upsetting players he doesn't think are pulling their weight.
Try this quote for size: “With United, I liked Ander Herrera. Paul Pogba? Doesn’t work hard enough."
Now, Paul, if you're wondering what true work ethic looks like, then that picture up there is the perfect example. Perfect. Watch and learn.
His Diagnosis of the United Crisis
There are plenty of problems at Old Trafford these days, many of them stemming from the divide between on-field and off-field goals, but few have explained this mire in such clear-cut terms as El Diego.
The World Cup winner proclaimed in no uncertain terms: “I know they sell lots of shirts around the world, but they need to win trophies, too. I can do that for them.”
A put-down and a solution. The man has it all.
His Inside Man
When we said he was not afraid of rubbing his potential new employers up the wrong way, we meant it. Because he unashamedly admitted: “Manchester United used to be my favourite English team for so long. So many great players and a great team under Alex Ferguson. But now I have to say Man City."
I know, I know. Egregious.... but also incredibly useful, as he later detailed: "I know you shouldn’t change like that but it’s because of Kun [Aguero]. We speak a lot and he plays in a very good team.”
Ahh, you see, now this feels expertly calculated. Because, as you may know, Sergio Aguero was once married to Maradona's daughter, with his son being the grandchild of El Diego, and you know what they say about family ties. They stick.
He Speaks the Old Trafford Language
No, because he has never played for the Red Devils, Maradona could not continuously wax lyrical about the club's great fans and how he was treated by them, or the club's great moments, and how he was a part of them and what they did to prepare for certain games and how they used to love training at some cliff etc etc.
But, crucially, he knows what it's like to play there, and he knows how to play the doting game, as he adoringly explained: “I played at Old Trafford [in the 1983/84 Cup Winners’ Cup quarter-final]. What noise, like La Bombonera.”
Speaking of La Bombonera and Boca Juniors, how about this piece of merchandise from Maradona's boyhood club, and Boca's (other) Buenos Aires rivals, Argentinos Juniors.
Now, as we know, if there's one thing that Manchester United love more than a decent football team (apart from five-star apps), it's quality merch. The difference between selling socks and season tickets is negligible - as long as they're selling, they're happy.
And what greater new addition to the club shop than a fifty-foot inflatable tunnel of the new manager. It sells itself.
His Fergie Time Capabilities
Since around 2004, Maradona has been wearing two watches, one on each wrist, the reason apparently being that he always wants to stay connected to home. He thus sets one watch (unclear as to the right-left delineation) to the local time of where he is in the world, and the other remains tethered to ART (Argentina Standard Time).
That's quite sweet, isn't it? But, now that we know of his intentions to manage United, it can also double up as an effective way to bring back the cherished days of Fergie Time.
"What do you mean three minutes added time, ref! We're still two hours from kick-off!"
His in-Game Entertainment
Sure, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has probably righted many of the wrongs from the Jose Mourinho era, but has he improved the in-game entertainment? Certainly not. The fare on the field may not have been worth the price of admission, but Mourinho's touchline antics were always pure box office.
And, you know who's never far from a wacky celebration? Senor Diego Maradona. The man has a catalogue of storied moves, from the eyes-closed double fist pump (as shown), to the camera-grasping growl, to the eerie eye-roll, arms-crossed death pose... What's not to love?