What's that I hear you say?
Please 90min, roundup all of the latest West Ham news, gossip and rumours into one manageable, digestible place! Say you will?
Go on then, you've twisted my arm - let's get cracking and see what's popping in the east end of London...
Lanzini in Line for New Deal to Fend Off Interest From Turkey
We start off with a nasty little transfer rumour surrounding Argentine midfielder Manuel Lanzini and Turkish giants Fenerbahce.
Lanzini was absent for the majority of last season as he recovered from a serious knee ligament injury, much to the chagrin of Hammers fans up and down the land - and me. He returned towards the end of the campaign and as he started to regain fitness, and promising showings followed.
Because of that, interest has perked up abroad - and the Mirror claim that Fenerbahce are keen to snatch him away from the London Stadium.
Manuel Pellegrini is said to be a fan, though, so the Hammers are planning on offering him a new five-year deal, even though he has a two-year option on his current deal that expires next summer.
Adrian Posts Emotional Goodbye to Fans
Outside of east London, Adrian is just a run of the mill goalkeeper.
But among the West Ham faithful, he will always be remembered as a club icon - most famous for his penalty heroics against Everton in the FA Cup third round in 2015.
After six years, though, his adventure at the club is all over after it was announced he will leave the club at the end of June and in true Adrian style, he's reached out to the fans in an emotional Instagram post.
"Today is the sixth anniversary of my arrival in London to proudly defend the Hammers shirt, a fortunate and happy time that has helped me grow as a person and also a footballer.
"Today, six years later, I can tell you that I have always hoped to continue with West Ham but the circumstances of football have led me to seek a new direction. That is my objective right now but I must not forget a time that has been so successful for my family and me.
"It's said that footballers and clubs pass and that is how it is. But when one has found oneself at home, one must recognise it and show gratitude. I want to wish you, West Ham United, all the best for the future. Maybe someday we can meet again. In the meantime, thank you Hammers."
Cheers Adrian, son's crying.
Hammers Rival Palace in Chase for Abanda
Reinforcements will be the order of business this summer, and AC Ajaccio midfielder Davis Abanda is the latest name linked with a move to the London Stadium.
The 18-year-old, who celebrates his birthday this coming Friday, plays in an advanced midfield role in the third tier of French football - but has impressed visiting scouts with his performances this season.
Leading publication L'Equipe report that the Hammers, as well as Roy Hodgson's Crystal Palace, are taking a vested interested in his services - and a bid could be placed in the coming weeks.
Mario Husillos, head of recruitment, and our main man Manuel are the guys running the rule over him - let's hope the judgment is right on this one.
Rice Eyeing Nations League Glory
Away from club matters for a moment and off to England duty with young starlet Declan Rice.
The Hammers young star is poised to start for the Three Lions against Netherlands on Thursday, and he's confident that success for Gareth Southgate's men could lead to bigger and better things on the World Cup and European Championship stage.
"I think it's a massive week and a really important tournament," Rice told the Daily Star. "We've got ourselves into the semi-final and we've got a massive chance now to create history.
"With the squad we have and the players Gareth has brought in, for sure we've got to be looking at winning the Nations League. That would stand us in good stead for the Euros (in 2020) and future World Cups."
G'wan Dec, do us proud.