The Definitive 2018/19 Alternative European End of Season Awards
Everyone is all hung up on formalities. Yes, you were the best player in your division so therefore you naturally receive an award for it.
But that's boooring.
What about those accolades that players/clubs/managers don't receive, despite undoubtedly being worthy of some recognition for their fine (or not fine) contributions this season?
So, let's try something a little bit different.
Most Picturesque Moment of the Season - Neymar Jr
It shocked us all. All was lost. Hopes of a comeback were less likely then a croissant shortage in Paris. But, they prevailed.
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Oh, how Manchester United prevailed.
Marcus Rashford sealed the deal from the spot in added time to leave all watching on in disbelief. None more so than the injured Neymar, however. Imagine putting your roast dinner in the oven for three hours, only to realise the darn thing wasn't turned on in the first place.
His face was something like that (and not the one above), look it up, it's pure gold.
Discovery of the Season - Pep Guardiola Can Dance
We were all blessed, and I mean blessed, when footage emerged of Roberto Martinez dancing at a Jason Derulo concert back in 2016.
Football managers reared their boogie heads once again this term when a video surfaced of Pep Guardiola doing his best at courting the attentions of a Spanish senorita.
The Manchester City boss was rocking a tie and blazer combination you'd likely find at a your local Sunday chapel service, and while we don't know whether or not it worked, there may very well be a reason the video cuts short.
Biggest Waste - Alexis Sanchez
He was a waste of money, we all know that. But what we didn't know is that Sanchez likes to wastemoney himself.
The entirety of the football world is abundantly aware that the Chilean loves his dogs. However, there comes a point when obsessions must be kept in check. We all 'awww' at the sight of effervescent canines bounding around and there are plenty of us who keep a framed photo of them in our houses.
Not two though, not two of the same picture.
"What a Waste of Money"
Eric Cantona-Sponsored Most Ludicrous Analogy - Mauricio Pochettino
The definition of 'going off on a tangent'. Pochettino did his best to, from what I gather, explain that experience isn't everything. However, your guess is as good as mine.
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"It is like a cow that, every day in ten years, sees the train cross in front at the same time. If you ask the cow, 'what time is the train going to come', it is not going to know the right answer.
"In football, it is the same. Experience, yes, but hunger, motivation, circumstance, everything is so important."
Sound, got you mate.
Worst (Best) Excuse - Jurgen Klopp
He's earned himself the rather unwanted tag as a perennial blamer.
Yes, OK, he's a damn fine manager, but some utterly ludicrous claims over the years even prompted bookmakers to take odds on his next excuse.
For the third time since taking charge of Liverpool, Klopp highlighted Der Windig conditions as the reason for his side's failure to get past Everton after a 0-0 stalemate at Goodison Park.
Merseyside is beside the coast. It happens.
Biggest Hope of the Season - United Appointing Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Temporarily
Catherine Ivill/GettyImages
It was going so well!
False Hope of the Season - United Appointing Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Permanently
Catherine Ivill/GettyImages
It's going so bad!
Award for Forgetting Which Sport You're Playing - Thomas Muller
A contact sport, yes. Thai kickboxing, no.
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Step forward Muller, who was seemingly unaware that the Champions League was not the greatest platform to practice (clearly worked on) Bruce Lee moves in the most inappropriate fashion possible.
Nicolas Tagliafico was on the receiving end. Muller ended up getting sent off. Five stars for effort.
Best Use of Technology - La Liga Authorities
Desperately clinging on to his job, Santiago Solari was in dire need of three points as his Real Madrid side took on Real Valladolid.
The away side thought they'd grabbed the opener in the game, although the strike was correctly ruled out for offside. Eyebrows hit the roof when footage of the VAR room was displayed, however.
Footage of an empty room appeared on televisions, with many feeling the officials popped off for an early siesta. It turns out the cameras were only focused on the wrong studio, but hey, it still brought us all amusement,
Football and technology, a match made in heaven.
Strongest Player - Fabio Quagliarella
For the honour of carrying an entire team this season, take a bow.
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We've seen a resurgent Aritz Aduriz rip La Liga a new one when many thought he was nearing the twilight years of his career, and now Sampdoria's 36-year-old Quagliarella is following suit.
This season he smashed in 26 league goals and provided eight assists, meaning his 34 goal contributions account for over half of his side's entire league total, single-handedly earning them a ninth place finish and outscoring Cristiano Ronaldo along the way.
Save of the Season - Jean-Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting
The level of composure on display bordered on alien.
Christopher Nkunku had nonchalantly chipped the Strasbourg goalkeeper for what should have given them a 2-1 lead for PSG. And then, at the last second, Choupo-Moting arrived to deftly tap the ball onto the post in one of the most miraculous saves seen for decades.
Never has someone been more worthy of the Save of the Season award.
Most Moronic Supporter - This Guy
It has been the season of comebacks, with none more remarkable than Tottenham's three goal deficit against Ajax being outrageously turned around in the second half to grant them a first ever Champions League final spot.
All watching were in awe, jaws scraping the carpet floor in utter amazement at what had unfolded. Well, I say all.
Except for this prat.
This one fan who felt it best to advertise his leaving of the Johan Cruyff Arena at half time on social media so that everyone could stop and point and tell their friends what an utter a*se he was.
The joke is on you pal.
