The footballer formerly known as Kevin-Prince Boateng has released a music video for his new song 'Bella Vita', featuring Ty Elliot (who I cannot find any other record of on the entire internet, unless he's a State Farm insurance agent or a visual effects supervisor), and he shall hereby be known solely as Prin$$ Boateng.
The former Barcelona midfielder - yeah, you forgot that as much as Barca did - made just four appearances for Ernesto Valverde last season, so had plenty of time to cook this classic up. And cook he did. Cook he did. Just watch.
How much did you get through? 30 seconds? 40 seconds? Well, if you went the whole hog, then how do you feel? Certainly not disappointed, I'd say. How could you be? Prin-dollar sign, dollar sign Boateng has just rocked your world. It's a 'Bella Vita' indeed, isn't it?
Let's go into some detail.
Firstly, the visuals. The visuals are...well, visionary. They're stunning. They encompass all four corners of the world. From the sea, to the desert, to a villa, to a pool, to an avant-garde staircase, it's all there. Everything you need.
Except that's not everything you need, because, obviously, to make the most of these locations you also need a cohort of lady friends, a tattooist, a white horse and a boat. Obviously.
And so to the lyrics. Ahhh, the lyrics. The sweet, daring, dulcet tones of KPB, or should I say K$$B. It would be fair to say that the 32-year-old leaves no prisoners, nor stones unturned.
We're talking: "Imma tell you how I feel, no deal, cuz I always been a player in the field." We're talking: "Get comfortable, cuz tonight won't stay until tomorrow [?!?!?!]." And - my personal favourite - we're talking: "One, two, three into the four, Prince Boateng I ain't ballin' on the low, I do it for the money and the show, I'll be standing like a man till I'm falling like a GOAT."
Poetry. Oh, wait, I forgot the x1000 We're Living in a Bella Vitas. They're great too.