5 of the Worst Named Competitions in Football of All Time

UEFA have unveiled a third club competition to go alongside the prestigious Champions League and pitiful Europa League, and they've called it the Europa Conference League. 

As the (obviously horrendous) name suggests, this is the lowest-grade tournament of the lot, offering 'more clubs in more countries a chance to participate in European football'. Which basically means worse clubs from more obscure places to participate in something that will only faintly resemble football. 

In any case, it gave us an idea. What are the worst named competitions in football history? Here's what we came up with. 

Milk Cup

The tournament made famous by Joe Cole's incredible exploits for the Under-14s, it was originally called the SuperCupNI (on account of it's being held in Northern Ireland), but they quickly realised this wasn't penetrating the mainstream.

They need something snappier, something silkier, something creamier. And so they went for Milk Cup, obviously, a name that the League Cup had also adopted between 1981 and 1986 thanks to its sponsorship ties with the Milk Marketing Board. That is not a joke. 

Can't wait for Carabao's inevitable succession to Oatly in 2020.

ScreenSport Super Cup

Yes, the ScreenSport Super Cup. In its initial concoction, it was known as the Football League Super Cup, but seeing as it was only a one-time affair back in 1986 (a time of sponsorship splendour, as we've already seen), the superior/spectacularly bad sponsored name of ScreenSport Super Cup has endured the sands of time. 

For the record, ScreenSport is what Eurosport was called before they got themselves a PR team. 

Zenith Data Systems Cup

Look at the two-time European Cup winners flaunting their victory in a competition actually titled the Zenith Data Systems Cup. Look at it. 

This was, of course, the sponsored pseudonym of the (equally confounding) Full Members' Cup, which ran from 1985 to 1992. The Zenith Data Systems part came in from '89 to '92. But what was it called before that? Well, wait and see.

The Simod Cup

Here Forest are again, further trashing their reputation by openly admitting they won something called the 'Simod Cup'.

Is there are anything more unedifying? This name ran from '87 to '89, before someone finally came to their senses and turned to the Data behemoth. FYI, Simod is an Italian shoe company, and I would now like you to take time out of your day to look at the first item of theirs that comes up on Google images. Take it in.  

This is what your trophy was based on, lads. Velcro and teal. 

The Intertoto Cup

The UEFA Intertoto Cup, I should say. And this is nice, in a roundabout kind of way, because it was essentially the precursor to the modern Europa Conference League. The difference being that the name sounded like a Nursery participation award, and the logo was the greatest piece of corporate graphic design since Paul Rand's glory days.

Just look at it.

In any case, it had some prestigious winners, including Oţelul Galaţi, Vaslui, Grasshoppers (twice), Tobol Kastinay, Sturm Graz, Hammarby and, yes, West Ham. 

In short, the UEFA Europa Conference League has a lot to live up to.