Newcastle's Florian Lejeune Explains How He'd Dispose of a Body in Club's Matchday Program

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Newcastle United FC defender Florian Lejeune on the sideline

Pop quiz: You have a dead body and one hour to get rid of it. What do you do to limit your chances of being caught? 

It’s a question nobody really thinks about, unless you’re Newcastle United center back Florian Lejeune. 

Newcastle has a feature in its matchday programs called “The Toon Tombola” to help fans get to know players a little better. Fifty questions are written on slips of paper and thrown into a rotating drum. Players pick questions out of the drum and answer them. 

Some are quite straightforward, like picking a favorite type of cheese or a preferred brand of aftershave. One question, however, is the opposite of straightforward. Question No. 12 (a little high up the list to be so off the wall, if you ask me) asks how you’d dispose of a dead body in an hour. You know, just a normal topic of conversation. Lejeune, it turns out, was the perfect person to pull the question out of the drum. 

“I’m watching a series at the minute called You, and it is about that!” Lejeune responded in the program published for Saturday’s match against Chelsea. “I would put it in the boot of my car, drive out to sea, put it on a boat and throw it into the sea with weights on it.”

But Lejeune’s plan is far from fool-proof. First of all, there’s a time crunch. Newcastle is a 20-minute drive from the coast, and he’s assuming he already has a boat lined up and doesn’t have to burn precious minutes waiting for one. There’s also the question of being caught by cameras on the road. And is he thinking there won’t be evidence left in the car’s trunk or on the boat? He might want to give it a little more thought.