Ryan Glasspiegel
Friday May 24th, 2013

Univision Pepsi Musica Super Bowl Fan Jam Mike Coppola/Getty Images

Darnell Dockett is a very solid football player. The Arizona Cardinals defensive tackle has made three Pro Bowls, recorded 36 sacks, and only missed two games in his nine-year career. However, his playing career pales in comparison to his Twitter career, for which he would be an automatic first-ballot Hall of Famer. Some day we'll all be telling our grandchildren about his failed courtship of Katherine Webb or that one time he threatened former Florida State teammate Chris Rix with a (probably deserved) beating.

Last night, an Arizona judge declared a mistrial in the sentencing portion of Jodi Arias' case after the jury could not agree whether Arias, who was convicted earlier this month for the gruesome murder of her ex-boyfriend Travis Alexander in 2008, deserved the death penalty. (The murder conviction still stands.)

Dockett had some ideas about where the proceedings should go from here:

Just like that, we have a solution to the crippling costs of incarceration in America: creek water.

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