Ryan Glasspiegel
Thursday May 30th, 2013


The NCAA recently ruled that a "secondary violation" occurred after a collegiate golfer at an unidentified WCC school used her university's hose and water to wash her car. The hullabaloo came to light after Portland basketball coach Eric Reveno tweeted about two "insane" rules violations that he had heard about at conference meetings. Yahoo! followed up and uncovered some details:

A WCC school self-reported an extra benefits violation to the NCAA when university officials caught one of their women's golfers washing her car on campus, according to the source. The NCAA ruled a secondary violation had occurred because the water and hose were not available to regular students and requested the golfer pay back $20, which was deemed to be the value of the water and use of the hose.

You could work up a healthy lather of outrage for any number of reasons from that paragraph alone: That a university official turned in a student for washing her car. That the NCAA's Sauron-like watch over affiliated universities compelled one of them to report the car-washing student. That the NCAA actually punished the student for this nonsense—and then put the value of the water and the hose at $20, which is what, three times more than you'd pay for a DIY scrub at your local car wash?

But that's just what the NCAA does. It finds unconscionable reasons to punish schools and/or their students. Where does this incident fall on the all-time list of unconscionable reasons for punishment? Right about here:

1,083: The Great Nebraska Book Imbroglio

That time the NCAA fined Nebraska $38,000 and gave it two years' probation for providing student-athletes books on the "recommended" reading list instead of just the ones on the "required" list.

1,084: Hosewatergate in the West Coast Conference

That time the NCAA took an Andy Jackson from a collegiate golfer for washing her car with the sacred hose.

1,085: Tu Crime: Xavier's Tu Holloway Plays Basketball

That time Tu Holloway was suspended from Xavier's first game because he had the audacity to play in two summer leagues.

Considering that the list of unconscionable reasons that the NCAA has punished schools and/or their students is literally of an infinite length, placing in the top 1,100—almost in the hundreds!—is an impressive feat. Well done, NCAA. Way to clamp down on all these handouts and ensure that there's something left for the people who actually work for a living. Update: an NCAA spokeswoman emailed Yahoo! on Thursday, saying that "her organization did not participate in the decision and does not consider the car wash to have been an extra benefits violation." She added that the golfer was penalized because of a "miscommunication."

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