By Mike Bebernes
August 07, 2013


Photo by David Cannon/ Getty Images Photo by David Cannon/ Getty Images

To make things easier for all you Time Warner Cable subscribers, today's Lineup contains only one show on a CBS-owned channel. (All times Eastern)


Soccer International Champions Cup Final: Real Madrid vs. Chelsea, 9:00p.m. (Fox Soccer)

After some speculation that he would return to Manchester United, Cristiano Ronaldo signed a roughly $115 million contract extension that will presumably keep him in Madrid for the remainder of his career. We'll tell ourselves that this celebration is him vigorously signing a check.



Soccer International Friendly: Toronto FC vs. AS Roma, 8:00p.m. (ESPN3)

Don't mention the name of Roma midfielder Daniele De Rossi to Toronto skipper Ryan Nelson. Nelson was the New Zealand captain when De Rossi, playing for Italy, took a dive to draw the penalty that robbed the Kiwis of their first-ever opportunity to advance to the knockout stage of the 2010 World Cup. This matchup stretches the word "friendly" as far as it will go.

MLB Los Angeles Dodgers vs. St. Louis Cardinals, 8:00p.m. (ESPN)

On Monday, the Dodgers reportedly celebrated their 15th straight road win, two shy of the NL record, by having a locker room dance party to Ice Ice Baby. I'm not saying the the song selection caused them to lose on Tuesday night, thereby breaking the winning streak, but ... maybe?

Tennis Rogers Cup: Women's Second Round, 11:a.m (ESPN3)

Maria Sharapova and Serena Williams are the two highest-paid female athletes in the world, earning $29 and $20.5 million respectively last year. Williams has a chance to close the gap a bit as Sharapova takes the tourney off to nurse a hip injury (and likely shoot a Samsung commercial).

TV 60 Minutes Sports, 9:00p.m. (Showtime)

Showtime's answer to HBO's Real Sports puts together what appears to be a quality look at some familiar territory: Black QB's, Samoan football, and big-wave surfing. Not necessarily inspired, but presumably high-quality.

TV The Challenge: Rivals II, 10:00p.m. (MTV)

Zach pulls a pretty remarkable turnaround from "bummed out that he missed his nephew's birth" to "convinced that he has a stomach tumor" to "prostrate rage screaming" in the clip below. That's some Ray Lewis-level emotional instability.

TV Shark Hunters, 9:00p.m. (NBC Sports Network)

The key moment in every horror movie is when the victim decides to stop hiding and go straight after the killer. So if Shark Week on the Discovery Channel has you avoiding baths for fear of being on the wrong side of an Jaws attack, this show can offer relief by chronicling people who won't just sit back and wait to be disemboweled.

Depp Bench

TV United States of Bacon, 7:00p.m. (Discovery Fit and Health)

True to the mission of a channel called Fit and Health, tonight the network offers four straight hours of cured meat porn. Porcine host Kevin Fisher travels the country searching for the nation's most delicious pork abominations, like the walking ched burger.

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