The 13 most depressing lines from Angels in the Outfield

Tuesday July 15th, 2014

The Christopher Lloyd remake of Angels in the Outfield came out 20 years ago today! We celebrated by watching the childhood classic... and quickly re-discovered how depressing it is. So on its 20th birthday, we bring you...

 
 
1. Do you believe in heaven?

Cool, so in the first lines of the movie, two kids existentially contemplate mortality, oh and also their parents are dead.

 
 
2. Family that likes losers.

And then he puts a cigarette out on his thigh:

 
 
 

And he wears a leather jacket and rides a motorcycle away forever, so you know this dad is bad news:

 
 
 

 

 
 
3. Rapping about how bad their team is

This is depressing because he wrote a song about how terrible his own team is, but it's also depressing because watching this guy try to rap is absolutely cringe-worthy.

 
 
4. You could drop dead

This is said to a child who is not old enough to tell time yet.

 
 
5. Pain pills

The intricacies of performance-related drug dependency are a little harsh for young minds, aren't they?

 
 
6. "Yeah, well tell your parents about it."

Roger is trying to describe the angels he saw in the outfield, and the guy sitting next to him says, "Yeah, well tell your parents about it." This happens like, 12 hours after Roger's dad abandons him.

 
 
7. Used to be

CLARKE: Yeah. I used to be.

 
 
8. Kids and the court system

You know. Because they've seen some really dark stuff.

 
 
9. "Terminally ill"

Have fun explaining to your 2nd-grader what "terminally ill" means!

 
 
10. JPs sad backstory

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.

 
 
11. JP's dad leaves forever

ROGER: Wait… Dad… did you hear what I said? Dad? Where are you going?

 
 
12. Knox's super sad backstory

Does anyone in this movie have a stable home life?

 
 
13. The end (of Clarke)

Yep. That's right. He came back to the game just to announce that Mel Clarke is going to die within six months. Good thing you already explained to your kid what "terminally ill" means.


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