Every Simpsons Ever, The Day Productivity Grinded To A Halt
Sports Figures on The Simpsons
Wayne Gretzky — Episode: "The Nightmare After Krustmas" (Dec. 11, 2016)
Memorable Moment — Maggie has a nightmare about a Christmas toy called the “Gnome in the Home.” As she scurries away from the toy elf, Santa appears and tells her: "Oh, don't worry Maggie. He can't beat the super team of Santa, Jack Frost, the Abominable Snowman, and Wayne Gretzky." All of whom appear. Gretzky: "He's got a gun!" The toy elf fires a handgun into the air and they all scramble in different directions, leaving Maggie behind.
Matt Leinart — Episode: "Dad Behavior" (Nov. 20, 2016)
Memorable Moment — Homer uses an app called Chore Monkey to get some work done around the house, and even get someone to play catch with his son. He sees Matt Leinart tossing a football with Bart. Homer: "Wait. Are you Heisman Trophy winner Matt Leinart?" Leinart: "Yep. I am." Homer: "And you need this job?" Leinart: "Yeeaaah... I haven't really been smart with my money after football." Leinart then deflates the football a little a tosses it back to Bart.
Edwin Moses — Episode: "The Yellow Badge of Cowardge" (May 18, 2014)
Memorable Moment — During the 79th running of the race around the school (Springfield Elementary), Superintendent Chalmers announces: ''And Milhouse, the boy nobody loves, is widening his lead.'' Moses [in the crowd]: ''And what does he have to jump over? Nothin', that's what. I'm outta here.'' Moses proceeds to run and hurdle over bushes, until a canyon appears behind one bush. Moses [falling]: ''Good job, Edwin.''
Andres Cantor — Episode: "You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee" (March 30, 2014)
Memorable Moment — Homer is called upon to referee games in the World Cup in Brazil after he is remembered for fairly calling his own daughter for flopping during one of her soccer games. Recruited for his honesty and utter disinterest, Homer is praised after officiating his first game. Cantor: ''In choosing Homer Simpson, the World Cup has met it's GOAL!'' Fellow commentator: ''Andres Cantor, you know that is incorrect usage.'' Cantor: ''I have no CONTROL! This job has taken its TOLL!''
Joe Namath — Episode: "Four Regrettings and a Funeral" (Nov. 3, 2013)
Memorable Moment — While attending a funeral service for Chip Davis, 'Springfield's Most Beloved Character That You Never Saw,' Bart pulls several rows of pew benches up (tied to strings) after Reverend Lovejoy asks everyone to kneel. Sitting behind Bart, Namath yells: ''Owww! My knee! 40 years of healing, gone!''
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar — Episode: "Love Is a Many Strangled Thing" (March 27, 2011)
Memorable Moment — Marge encourages Homer to enroll in a fathering enrichment class taught by therapist Dr. Zander. Shocked to learn that Homer often strangles Bart for mischievous behavior, Dr. Zander conducts a series of treatments with the help of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to teach Homer what it feels like to be young and small. Kareem: ''Dr. Zander and I play pickup basketball on the weekend, and when he told me what you do to your son, I was so disturbed I only scored 172 points.'' Dr. Zander: ''I had 86 assists.'' The two high-five.
Jeff Gordon — Episode: "Adventures in Baby Getting" (Nov. 4, 2012)
Memorable Moment — Springfield news anchor Kent Brockman interviews townspeople about a massive sinkhole problem, including Moe at Moe's Tavern. Moe: ''Eh, you know, in this town, you learn to adjust to things: runaway monorails, NASCAR star Jeff Gordon.'' Jeff Gordon walks by and waves. Gordon: ''Hey, Moe.'' Moe: ''Hey. Bet we never see him again.''
Danica Patrick — Episode: "How Munched is that Birdie in the Window" (Nov. 28, 2010)
Memorable Moment — Moe approaches Homer and Bart and suggests they enter their pigeon in the ''Springfield to Shelbyville Birditarod.'' Homer: ''Hmmm. Me, the patriarch of a bird racing dynasty.'' Homer imagines himself holding a trophy that reads: 'YAY HOMER.' Danica: ''Congratulations Homer!'' Homer: ''Danica Patrick in my thoughts!'' Danica: ''That's right Homer. I'm contractually obligated by my sponsors to appear in random fans' fantasies. Better not tell Marge about this.'' Marge suddenly appears in Homer's fantasy and yells at Danica. Marge: ''You Brickyard bimbo!'' The two start fighting over Homer.
Mike Scioscia — Episode: "MoneyBART" (Oct. 10, 2010)
Memorable Moment — Marge: ''Mike Scioscia! Didn't you get radiation poisoning working at the Springfield nuclear plant?'' Scioscia: ''I sure did, and it gave me super managing powers. I also demagnetize credit cards.''
Bill James — Episode: "MoneyBART" (Oct. 10, 2010)
Memorable Moment — After Lisa becomes coach of Bart's Little League baseball team, a group of nerds at Moe's Tavern tell her about sabermetrics, the analysis of baseball through statistics, pioneered by baseball writer and statistician Bill James. James: ''I made baseball as much fun as doing your taxes.''
Bob Costas — Episode: "Boy Meets Curl" (Feb. 14, 2010)
Memorable Moment — Homer and Marge are part of a mixed-curling team that competes in a demonstration event at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Marge saves the day in the semi-finals, but injures her shoulder from sweeping so hard. Costas: ''Team USA heads to the gold medal match. But wait a minute. Marge Simpson looks hurt. This is the sort of bittersweet melodrama Olympic coverage feeds on. I admit it. We're vampires who suck on shattered dreams.''
Peyton and Eli Manning — Episode: "O Brother, Where Bart Thou?" (Dec. 13, 2009)
Memorable Moment — During Bart's dream of having a brother, Peyton and Eli are seen throwing footballs through a tire. Peyton: ''That's a perfect spiral, Eli.'' Eli: ''Winning a Super Bowl just doesn't compare to chuckin' the ball around with my brother.'' Their older brother Cooper shows up. Cooper: ''It's easy being a winner in the pros. Try winning two high school basketball championships like I did.'' Eli: ''Good for you, Squirt.'' Cooper: ''I'm the oldest!'' Peyton [singing]: ''Keep away from Cooper!'' Cooper [whimpers]: ''Hey!'' Peyton and Eli play keep away with a football and laugh at Cooper.
Chuck Liddell — Episode: "The Great Wife Hope" (Oct. 11, 2009)
Memorable Moment — Bart: ''Sir? Could you sign my program with a swear word?'' Homer: ''Uh, yes. Filthy, but obscure, with a subtle scatological undertone.'' Liddell: ''Sure, no problem. $25, please.'' Homer: ''Pay the man, boy.''
Mark Cuban — Episode: "The Burns and the Bees" (Dec. 7, 2008)
Memorable Moment — Mr. Burns: ''So, tell me, why don't you recoil from the public like a normal billionaire?'' Cuban: ''Hey, why own a basketball team if you're not gonna have any fun?'' Mr. Burns: ''Fun? Is that how it's pronounced? I've only seen it written.'' Cuban: ''Hold that thought. No one's paid attention to me for ten whole seconds.'' Cuban proceeds to juggle a basketball, a chainsaw and a Mavs Dancer at center court in front of a cheering crowd.
Marv Albert — Episode: "The Burns and the Bees" (Dec. 7, 2008)
Memorable Moment — When Homer accidentally lets loose Africanized bees, they head for the arena, which resembles a hive, where Mr. Burns' basketball team the Springfield Excitement play. Albert: ''We've been invaded by a swarm of killer bees. My microphone is no microphone at all. It's bees. Am I being badly stung? Yes! And it hurts.''
Joe Montana — Episode: "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble" (Oct. 19, 2008)
Memorable Moment — Bart switches places with an exact look-alike, and after arriving at the rich boy's mansion, he marvels at everything he sees, including what's in his bedroom. Bart: ''Wow, cool poster of Joe Montana.'' Montana: ''It's not a poster.'' Bart screams as Montana steps out of the wall. Montana: ''I'm the real deal. Every day I stand here the family donates a million dollars to Notre Dame. Did you know the words ''Notre Dame'' are french, but the team is ''The Fighting Irish?'' That's the kind of thing I think about in here.'' Bart: ''Back in the poster, gabby.'' Montana [sulking]: ''Yes sir.''
Lance Armstrong — Episode: "Mona Leaves-a" (May 11, 2008)
Memorable Moment — Lance Armstrong presents an award at the ESPYs alongside Fozzie Bear. Fozzie: ''Hey Lance, nice trousers. Did you win those at the tour de pants? Wakka wakka!'' Armstrong [angrily]: ''Yeah, well, I never thought you were funny. Ever!'' Armstrong picks up Fozzie and throws him off the stage, leaving the puppeteer's arm and hand exposed and mouthing: ''Wakka wakka! Wakka wakka?''
Ronaldo — Episode: "Marge Gamer" (April 22, 2007)
Memorable Moment — Homer becomes a referee at Lisa's soccer games, but repeatedly calls penalties in her favor, until Cletus and his wife Brandine argue with him about a call on their daughter. Homer: ''I don't need a soccer lecture from a hillbilly!'' Cletus: ''That's hill-william to you, sir.'' Ronaldo: ''How about a lecture from me? Ronaldo.'' Homer: ''Ronaldo?! Winner of two World Cups and three FIFA Player of the Year awards?!'' Ronaldo: ''Yes, I am what you said. Now I travel the world, exposing floppers. And your daughter is a flopper. Now Ronaldo away!'' Ronaldo backflips off camera. Brandine: ''You heard Geraldo.''
Elvis Stojko — Episode: "Kill Gil: Vols. 1 & 2" (Dec. 17, 2006)
Memorable Moment — Elvis Stojko makes a guest appearance at Krusty's Kristmas on Ice event. Patty: ''Elvis Stojko is so handsome.'' Selma [giggling]: ''He can lace up my skates anytime.'' Moe: ''Don't you hags know that all male figure skaters are twinkly in the lutz.'' Stojko: ''That's a common misconception. I have a girlfriend in Vancouver.'' Moe: ''Made-up girlfriend, made-up city.''
Gene Tenace and Sal Bando — Episode: "Regarding Margie" (May 7, 2006)
Memorable Moment — After Homer refuses to pay Bart for spray painting their address (742) on the curb, Bart leaves it as just 74. Homer finishes painting the curb so it reads: 74 Oakland A's - Best Team Ever. Lisa: ''Dad, all you had to do was paint one number, now no one is going to be able to find our house!'' Homer: ''But sweetie, I just wanted to tell the '74 Oakland A's how I felt about them.'' Sal Bando, Gene Tenace and several other members of the '74 A's roll up in a convertible. Sal Bando: ''Look, that guy remembers us!'' Gene Tenace: ''Hey Sal Bando, give him a '74 A's thank you honk!'' Sal Bando honks the horn and drives off. Homer: ''My work here is done.''
Randy Johnson — Episode: "Bart Has Two Mommies" (March 19, 2006)
Memorable Moment — Ned Flanders attends a Left-Handers Convention and notices the booth for his store, The Leftorium, is set up next to Randy Johnson's booth. Flanders: ''Oooh, wow, it's the Big Unit himself, Randy Johnson. You've fanned more men than Salome.'' Johnson: ''Yeah, I get that a lot. I'm here promoting my new line of left-handed teddy bears. Randy Johnson's Southpawz. This one's a doctor. You can give it to your doctor. Huh? Huh?'' Flanders: ''You have one for a mailman?'' Johnson [getting angry]: ''A bear can't be a mailman. Now how many doctor bears do you want? They come in boxes of a thousand.'' Flanders [nervously]: ''Ummm, one box.'' Johnson [towering over Flanders]: ''You and me got a problem!''
Joe Frazier — Episode: "Homer's Paternity Coot" (Jan. 8, 2006)
Memorable Moment — A commercial for the Smoke Damage Outlet Store appears on TV. Announcer: ''Come in today and meet Smokin' Joe Frazier.'' Frazier: ''I'm only here because my name has 'smoke' in it.'' Announcer: ''Oh, come on, that has nothin' to do with it, Smmmmokin' Joe!'' Frazier [to the announcer]: ''I can send people to your house. Bad people.''
Terry Bradshaw — Episode: "Treehouse of Horror XVI" (Nov. 6, 2005)
Memorable Moment — A spoof of the Most Dangerous Game, with Mr. Burns hunting other characters from Springfield, appears to be televised with Terry Bradshaw working as a guest analyst for the World Series of Manslaughter. Bradshaw: ''Well, conventional wisdom says good fleeing will always be good chasing, but the stats say put your money on the guy with the gun.''
Dennis Rodman — Episode: "Treehouse of Horror XVI" (Nov. 6, 2005)
Memorable Moment — Dennis Rodman appears near the end of the show as Moe makes a public service announcement for adult illiteracy. Rodman: ''Together, we can make reading a slam dunk.'' Moe: ''Dennis Rodman? What are you doin' here?'' Rodman: ''Working off a speeding ticket. Happy Halloween everybody!''
LeBron James — Episode: "Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass" (Feb. 6, 2005)
Memorable Moment — LeBron: ''Omelets for dinner? This is the best day of my life.'' Lisa: ''Really? Didn't you just sign a $90 million contract?'' LeBron: ''Oh yeah. That was a good day too.''
Tom Brady — Episode: "Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass" (Feb. 6, 2005)
Memorable Moment — After scoring a touchdown, Brady rides a segway scooter down the field, saying: ''Everyone sucks but me,'' and dragging a banner that reads the same.
Yao Ming — Episode: "Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass" (Feb. 6, 2005)
Memorable Moment — After Marge asks Yao to do the dishes, he responds: ''I really don't understand your language.'' [in Mandarin with subtitles] Lisa: ''Wait a second, I read that you speak excellent English.'' Yao: ''Shut up kid, I've got a good thing going here.''
Michelle Kwan — Episode: "Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass" (Feb. 6, 2005)
Memorable Moment — After a judge gives Kwan a 5.9, she yells: ''Beware the wrath of Kwan!'' before using the blades of her skates to slice a bloody 6.0 on the judge's chest.
Warren Sapp — Episode: "Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass" (Feb. 6, 2005)
Memorable Moment — Sapp: ''Hey Michelle [Kwan], you got a boyfriend?'' Kwan: ''Not in here I don't.''
Oscar De La Hoya — Episode: "Treehouse of Horror XIV" (Nov. 2, 2003)
Memorable Moment — Bart and Milhouse possess a stop watch that freezes time, which they use to humiliate the townspeople. When they're discovered, an angry mob chases them down. They freeze time and put a fellow classmate, Martin, in their place. The mob, which includes Oscar De La Hoya, proceeds to beat up Martin. De La Hoya: ''Dios Mio, this kid is fun to hit!''
Tony Hawk — Episode: "Barting Over" (Feb. 16, 2003)
Memorable Moment — Tony hands Homer a skateboard that will help him impress Bart. Tony: ''This board represents the ultimate in poser technology. It gives people the illusion they have talent. Just lock your feet in and the board does all the work.'' Homer: ''All the work?'' Tony: ''Fine, I'll lift you onto the board too.'' Homer: ''Do it without the attitude or don't do it at all.''
Lisa Leslie — Episode: "Pray Anything" (Feb. 9, 2003)
Memorable Moment — The Simpson family attends a WNBA basketball game at Springfield Square Garden, where a sign reads: 'Courtside Seats 30 Cents.' Lisa Simpson: ''Look, that's Lisa Leslie! She showed little girls everywhere that they can grow up to be 6-foot-5.'' Bart: ''Lisa Leslie, you got game!'' Leslie: ''I think you mean I have game. Try to speak correctly.'' Bart: ''You go girl!'' Leslie: ''Yes, I will depart, lest your bad grammar rub off on me.''
Larry Holmes — Episode: "Helter Shelter" (Dec. 1, 2002)
Memorable Moment — After Homer receives skybox tickets for a hockey game, the family arrives to an over-embellished luxury suite, which includes an artist with palette in hand. Artist (to Bart): ''Paint your portrait, sir?'' Bart: ''Can you paint me knockin' out Larry Holmes?'' Artist: ''Certainly.'' The artist snaps his fingers, and Larry Holmes appears and kneels in front of Bart. Holmes: ''Don't hit my face.'' Bart: ''OK, where do you want it?'' Holmes: ''I don't know. Work the stomach.'' Bart gives Holmes a few punches in the stomach. Holmes: ''Mmmm. That takes me back.''
Venus and Serena Williams — Episode: "Tennis the Menace" (Feb. 11, 2001)
Memorable Moment — Homer climbs up through the crowd to where the Williams sisters are sitting. Serena: ''What are you doing?'' Venus: ''That's our Dad's seat.'' Homer: ''Hey, great. Listen, I need a new doubles partner. My little girl's a lead weight.'' Serena: ''You're dumping your own daughter?'' Homer: ''Yeah, but only to crush my wife and son.'' Serena: ''That's horrible!'' Venus: ''Yeah, that's pretty low.'' Homer [to Venus]: ''Hmmm. You seem less disgusted. Let's go.'' Homer grabs Venus by the hand and pulls her toward the court.
Andre Agassi — Episode: "Tennis the Menace" (Feb. 11, 2001)
Memorable Moment — Agassi [grabbing Homer's tennis racquet]: ''Yoink!'' Homer: ''My tennis stick!'' Homer turns to face Agassi. Homer: ''Who are you?'' Agassi: ''I'm Andre Agassi.'' Homer: ''The wrestler?''
Pete Sampras — Episode: "Tennis the Menace" (Feb. 11, 2001)
Memorable Moment — Sampras: ''C'mon, let's play! I've gotta tape a Ho Hos commercial.''
Mark McGwire — Episode: "Brother's Little Helper" (Oct. 3, 1999)
Memorable Moment — As the townspeople surround a crashed MLB satellite Bart brought down with a tank, fearing it was spying on everyone, Mark McGwire arrives in a helicopter. McGwire: ''Hi folks! I'm Mark McGwire!'' Satellite computer voice: ''Big Mac himself! Who'da thunk it?'' McGwire: ''Young Bart here was right. We are spying on you, pretty much around the clock.'' Bart: ''But why Mr. McGwire?'' McGwire: ''Do you want to know the terrifying truth? Or do you wanna see me sock a few dingers!'' The crowd yells: ''Ding-ers! Ding-ers!'' McGwire hits a ball off into the distance, and as the crowd watches in amazement, he grabs the data printout from the satellite and hides it under his cap.
Pat Summerall and John Madden — Episode: "Sunday, Cruddy Sunday" (Jan. 31, 1999)
Memorable Moment — Summerall and Madden discuss their opinions on the episode at the end of the show. Summerall: ''Did it strike you as odd that in a Super Bowl show with Dolly Parton we didn't see any football or singing?'' Madden: ''I hadn't thought about it Pat, but in retrospect, it was kind of a rip-off! What a way to treat the loyal fans, who put up with so much nonsense from this franchise.'' Summerall: ''Any final thoughts?'' Madden: ''Nah, I'm too mad, let's get the heck out of here!''
Dan Marino — Episode: "Sunday, Cruddy Sunday" (Jan. 31, 1999)
Memorable Moment — Marino runs a 'Catch A Pass' booth and throws a pass to Bart. Marino: ''Go long, son.'' Bart: ''Yes sir!'' Bart runs out and the ball flies through the air. Bart: ''I'm catching a pass from Dan Marino! This is the greatest moment of my...'' Homer intercepts the pass. Homer: ''Woo hoo! Homer Simpson with the pick!'' Marino [to his two bodyguards]: ''Hey Bubba, Hacksaw! Get that moron!'' Homer [being chased]: ''Uh oh! Lateral to Bart!'' The goons tackle Homer anyway. Homer: ''My spine!''
Troy Aikman — Episode: "Sunday, Cruddy Sunday" (Jan. 31, 1999)
Memorable Moment — Ned Flanders sits at a caricature booth run by Troy Aikman. Aikman: ''So, Ned, do you like dune buggies?'' Ned: ''Well, it's not my cup of...'' Aikman: ''Sure you do! Everyone likes dune buggies!'' Aikman draws Ned riding in a dune buggy, just as he's done with everyone else who has come to his booth, some samples of which hang on the wall.
Rosey Grier — Episode: "Sunday, Cruddy Sunday" (Jan. 31, 1999)
Memorable Moment — Having not been to church yet, Ned Flanders is directed to 'Rosey Grier's Porta-Chapel,' where several people have gathered to hear a sermon. Rosey: ''And that the wandering Oakland Raiders may someday find a home, Lord, hear our prayer. Can I get an amen to that?'' Congregation: ''Amen!''
Roy Firestone | Episode: "Bart Star" (Nov. 9, 1997)
Memorable Moment — After Ned Flanders coaches Springfield's pee-wee football team to a win in their first game, Homer does nothing but criticize him, including over the phone to the radio show 'Sports Spew! with Roy Firestone.' Homer: ''Ah, I'm telling you. Flanders can't coach at all. I'm not the type to have a grudge for no reason--'' Firestone: ''Sir, can I just break in for a moment?'' Homer [annoyed]: ''Yes Roy?'' Firestone: ''Do you have a question for Sandy Koufax?'' Koufax is seen sitting next to Roy Firestone in his studio. Homer: ''Yes. Mr. Koufax, don't you think Flanders is a big jerk?'' Firestone hangs up. Homer: ''Yello? Yello?''
Joe Namath — Episode: "Bart Star" (Nov. 9, 1997)
Memorable Moment — As the episode, centralized around pee-wee football, comes to an end, Namath says to the camera: ''You know, we had a lot of fun tonight. But, there's nothing funny about... vapor lock. It's the third most common cause of stalling. So please, take care of your car and get it checked. I'm Joe Namath. Good night.''
Gerry Cooney — Episode: "$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)" (Dec. 16, 1993)
Memorable Moment — A sign reads: 'GERRY COONEY Official Greeter of Mr. Burns Casino' during the grand opening. Cooney [greeting Otto]: ''Hello, I'm retired heavyweight boxer Gerry Cooney. Welcome to Mr. Burns Casino. If there's anything I can do to make your visit more enjoyable, please, just let me know.'' Otto [walking away]: ''Yeah, great. See ya.'' Cooney [stopping Otto]: ''Uh, don't forget to apply for our VIP Platinum Club for special discounts on...'' Otto [pushing Cooney away]: ''Hey! I said bug off!'' Otto lands a right hook to Cooney's face. Cooney stands dazed for a second and falls down.
Joe Frazier — Episode: "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?" (Aug. 27, 1992)
Memorable Moment — After announcing Homer as the winner of an award, Joe Frazier has a beer with a depressed Homer at Moe's Tavern. Homer: ''I miss my couch.'' Frazier: ''I know how you feel. You lost the couch. I lost the heavyweight championship.'' Homer [scoffs]: ''Heavyweight championship. There's like three of those. That couch was one of a kind.'' Frazier: ''Homer, I know things are tough now. But one day, you'll be walking along, and you'll see a piece of furniture you can love just as much.'' Barney: ''Hey Frazier, shut up!'' Frazier [getting angry]: ''Barney, you've been ridin' my back all night.'' Barney: ''Oh yeah, care to step outside?!'' Frazier: ''Let's do it.'' The two exit the bar and before the door can swing shut, a punch is heard hitting Barney and his blood splats on the door. As Homer exits the bar, he sees Barney upside down in a trash can exclaiming: ''Alright, a peanut!''
Jose Canseco — Episode: "Homer at the Bat" (Feb. 20, 1992)
Memorable Moment — While at an autograph session, Canseco is approached by Mr. Smithers, who is recruiting ringers for the company softball team. Canseco: ''I get $50,000 to play one game?'' Smithers: ''That's right, Mr. Canseco.'' Canseco: ''Well, it's a pay cut, but what the hey. It sounds like fun.''
Darryl Strawberry — Episode: "Homer at the Bat" (Feb. 20, 1992)
Memorable Moment — Homer: ''You're Darryl Strawberry.'' Strawberry: ''Yes?'' Homer: ''You play right field.'' Strawberry: ''Yes?'' Homer: ''I play right field too.'' Strawberry: ''So?'' Homer: ''Well, are you better than me?'' Strawberry: ''Well, I never met you, but...yes.'' Later on, Strawberry takes right field in the championship game. Lisa: ''You stink Strawberry! We want Home Run Homer!'' Bart: ''Darrrryl! Darrrryl!'' Bart and Lisa: ''Darrrryl! Darrrryl!'' Marge: ''Children, that's not very nice.'' Lisa: ''Mom, they're professional athletes. They're used to this sort of thing. It rolls right off their back.'' Strawberry wipes away a tear from his eye.
Roger Clemens — Episode: "Homer at the Bat" (Feb. 20, 1992)
Memorable Moment — After Mr. Burns posts the list of players who made the team. Homer: ''Clemens, did I make the team?'' Clemens: ''You sure did.'' Homer: ''I did! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! In your face Strawberry!'' Clemens: ''Wait a minute, are you Ken Griffey Jr.?'' Homer: ''No.'' Clemens: ''Sorry, didn't mean to get your hopes up.''
Don Mattingly — Episode: "Homer at the Bat" (Feb. 20, 1992)
Memorable Moment — After being told repeately by Mr. Burns to trim his non-existent sideburns, Mattingly arrives with the sides and top of his head completely shaved off. Mr. Burns: ''Mattingly! I thought I told you to trim those sideburns! Go home! You're off the team! For good!'' Mattingly: ''Fine.'' Mattingly walks away. Mattingly [to himself]: ''I still like him better than Steinbrenner.''
Ken Griffey Jr. — Episode: "Homer at the Bat" (Feb. 20, 1992)
Memorable Moment — After drinking a spoonful of brain & nerve tonic. Griffey: ''Wow, it's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited.'' Griffey proceeds to chug the bottle.
Mike Scioscia — Episode: "Homer at the Bat" (Feb. 20, 1992)
Memorable Moment — Scioscia, working at the nuclear power plant, pushes a wheelbarrow of glowing green ooze. Carl pulls up beside him with his own wheelbarrow. Carl: ''Hey Scioscia, I don't get it. You're a ringer, but you're here every night in the core, busting your butt hauling radioactive waste.'' Scioscia: ''Well Carl, it's such a relief from the pressures of big league ball. I mean, there, you make any kind of mistake, and boom, the press is all over you.'' Scioscia then accidentally spills the waste. Scioscia: ''Uh oh.'' Carl: ''Ah, don't worry about it.'' Scioscia: ''Oh man, is this ever sweet.''
Ozzie Smith — Episode: "Homer at the Bat" (Feb. 20, 1992)
Memorable Moment — Ozzie pays a visit to the 'Springfield Mystery Spot.' Ozzie: ''How long does it take to see this thing. I'm kind of in a hurry.'' Proprietor: ''Well, it's hard to say my friend. Once you go in, you may never come out.'' Ozzie: ''Wow! One please.'' He buys a ticket and walks in. A long falling scream is heard from Ozzie.
Wade Boggs — Episode: "Homer at the Bat" (Feb. 20, 1992)
Memorable Moment — Drinking at Moe's Tavern. Barney: ''And I say, England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!'' Boggs: ''Pitt the Elder!!'' Barney: ''Lord Palmerston!!!'' Boggs [pokes Barney]: ''Pitt the Elder!!!!'' Barney: ''Okay, you asked for it Boggs!'' Barney punches Boggs out.
Steve Sax — Episode: "Homer at the Bat" (Feb. 20, 1992)
Memorable Moment — Sax gets pulled over while driving through a nice neighborhood in Springfield. Sax: ''What seems to be the problem officers?'' Officer Eddie: ''That's enough out of you smart guy.'' Officer Lou [pointing his gun]: ''Reach for your license...[cock's his gun] slowly.'' Officer Eddie: ''Well well, Steve Sax, from New York City.'' Officer Lou: ''I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case, but you wouldn't know anything about that, would you Steve?'' The officers laugh. Sax: ''But there's hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.'' Officer Lou: ''You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you Saxy boy?''
Magic Johnson — Episode: "Homer Defined" (Oct. 17, 1991)
Memorable Moment — After Homer saves the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant from a meltdown by luckily guessing which button to press, he receives a phone call from Magic Johnson during a Lakers game. Magic: ''Is this really Homer Simpson?'' Homer: ''Yeah!'' Magic: ''Wow. Homer, I just used our last timeout to call and congratulate you on averting that nuclear holocaust.''
Chick Hearn — Episode: "Homer Defined" (Oct. 17, 1991)
Memorable Moment — After Homer's heroism is exposed as mere dumb luck, people start to refer to other instances of dumb luck as 'pulling a Homer'. Chick Hearn is heard calling a Lakers game. Hearn: ''The Lakers have the ball. Magic Johnson coming down the floor on a fast break. Magic stops. His feet slip out from under him! The ball flies out of his hands! Hits the referee in the head! Goes in the basket! It's a three-point play! The Lakers win!'' Magic: ''Looks like I pulled a Homer.'' Homer's name and picture appear in the dictionary. Homer \noun\ 1. American bonehead 2. Pull a Homer — to succeed despite idiocy
Right now, FXX is doing the unprecedented human service of airing every single Simpsons episode ever. It's the sort of marathon perfect for people like you and me, who occasionally need to give up on life, lay strung out on the couch and watch 24-hour blocks of cartoons while ordering far too many pizzas for just one person. In conjunction with this beautifully burnt-out moment in American culture, we present to you a gallery of all the appearances athletes have made on the Simpsons over the course of its 25-season run.
Watch This 2-Year-Old Identify Every WWE Theme Thrown At Him
Look, if your 2-year-old knows John Cena's song, that's fine I guess. If he knows Daniel Bryan's "Yes!" chant? Not bad. Roman Reigns' walk-on? Pretty good. But man, this kid is naming guys like Bo Dallas and Jack Swagger after the first note of their entrance music. It's perhaps the most impressive name-that-tune performance of all time, and we can only imagine it's because that kid has been reading every word of Extra Mustard's wrestling coverage. Some kids know their times tables, some kids can read at college levels, but there's only a select few with an encyclopedic knowledge of wrestling themes. I think we know who the truly great parents are.
It's Too Easy to Make Fun Of Bama Fans
We've been featuring Bama a lot on Hot Clicks lately, but that's because Bama fans are the gift that keeps on giving. Just look at this beautiful fan trailer. That spray paint reads "Home of a Crimson Tide," blissfully uncaring about any grammatical issues. The icing on the cake is probably that DIRECTV satellite attached to the mailbox. We love you Bama, don't ever change.
Lovely Lady Of The Day
I don't know much about Daniela Lopez Osorio, other than that she's a very pretty lady from Colombia. But she did recently take an Instagram where she asked her loyal adherents to choose between herself, her pretty friend, or the slice of pizza she was eating. Her caption? "If I were you, I'd pick the pizza." She was either being coy or literally eating the most life-changing pizza ever conceived by mankind. Click here for the full-sized gallery.
We Feel You, Mrs. Shoemaker
What would you do if your significant other was a rookie in Major League Baseball and had somehow managed to carry a no-hitter deep into the 7th, only to get all hopes of glory dashed away with a double to left field? Would you throw things? Cry? Steel yourself against emotion and manage a callous "You did your best?" Or would you take to social media, and call the player who broke up your beloved's no-no a "butthole." That's what Danielle Shoemaker did, and frankly, we can't blame her one bit. She eventually deleted the tweet, because people on the internet are the worst, but don't let them get you down, Danielle. You can call anyone you want a butthole.
From Mecca to Ghost Town In Less Than Six Months
We all know the Olympics generally do more harm than good to the nations that host the ridiculously expensive undertakings. These images from Sochi only reinforce those depressing facts more. Rosa Khutor was one of the primary spots for all of that Winter Games pageantry, and now it's completely deserted. An abandoned wasteland of money and Coca-Cola sponsorship. It seriously looks like the beginning of 28 Days Later, except instead of zombies its discarded governmental interest.
Odds & Ends
Johnny Manziel will get fined for his finger ... The brains behind Madden 15 ... Le'Veon Bell apparently didn't know you could get a DUI for weed ... 50 Cent challenges Floyd Mayweather to a Harry Potter reading contest ... The 9 best food options at the U.S Open ... The Buffalo Bills keep fighting each other at training camp.
Peyton Manning Will Not Sell You That Gatorade
I really hope this marks a return to stern, silent Peyton Manning who doesn't have to wear his jersey to make you laugh. This is the exact same Manningface we saw last year at the Super Bowl.
The Greek Freak Needs Exactly Two Dribbles To Go Coast-To-Coast
As Reddit user punkyo put it, "This is as close as we will see to an octopus making it to the NBA."