Rich Schultz/Getty Images, Illustration: Brendan Maloy

One of these days, Josh Johnson will find a steady job. 

By Extra Mustard
October 13, 2015

The Buffalo Bills signed quarterback Josh Johnson on Tuesday. Do you think Johnson even called his parents to let them know?

Johnson isn’t so much a journeyman quarterback as he is a minuteman quarterback. Since August, Johnson has been on four NFL teams, without taking a single regular season snap.

He spent part of training camp with the Bengals, then he was cut. The quarterback-deficient Jets picked him up, but Johnson still couldn’t make the roster. The Colts signed and released Johnson TWICE in 10 days, preferring a one-armed Andrew Luck and near-death Matt Hasselbeck to lead the offense. And now, the Bills have picked up Johnson with starter Tyrod Taylor hurting.

Y’all need to stop playing with this man’s heart. But don’t worry Josh, here are some more stable professions you could enter instead:

Journalist

Once you get fired, you don’t really find another job.

Astronaut

If you get lost in space, they can’t really fire you.

Carpenter

Jesus was a carpenter. People forget that.

Supreme Court Justice

Lifetime appointment, plus a free robe.

Farmer

People are always going to need food.

Plumber

You know who loves running water? Everybody. Plus, Mario was a plumber. People forget that.

Freelancer

You can’t get fired if you never get hired.

- Brendan Maloy & Rohan Nadkarni

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