Yoenis Cesepdes already has a car collection that's the envy of players and media alike. So let's go ahead and make it even crazier.
Over the first few days of spring training, Mets superstar Yoenis Cespedes has captured the attention of the internet thanks to his predilection for insanely flashy cars—namely, a tricked-out Polaris Slingshot three-wheel motorcycle and a custom $400,000 Lamborghini Aventador that spits fire. A multi-millionaire athlete boasting supercars isn’t exactly new, and Cespedes isn't the first to show up to work in a ride that’s worth roughly the gross domestic product of a small island nation. But regardless, Cespedes has inspired a lot of words (some very stupid!) about his cars, as well as the fact that he apparently asked a team employee to use his Lamborghini on a trip to get him some round waffles.
After bringing out the Polaris, the Lamborghini, a custom Ford F-250 pickup truck and an Alfa Romeo 8C Competizione (that he had originally loaned to teammate Wilmer Flores), the anticipation is high for the Cuban slugger to show up to work each day with another shiny, crazy toy from his garage. But Cespedes shouldn’t limit himself to the cars of mere mortals, especially given his $20 million salary for 2016. So to lend him a hand, I put together a list of custom vehicles he should try to get his hands on before the Mets break camp in Florida.
Koenigsegg CCXR Trevita
Price Tag: $4.8M
Top Speed: 254 mph
Behold: the most expensive car in the world. The Koenigsegg CCXR Trevita is already notable enough for its $4.8 million price, or about $500,000 more than Matt Harvey's 2016 salary. But what makes this Swedish supercar truly stand out is the fact that it's coated in diamonds—literally. The car's exterior is made out of a special white carbon fiber that has a diamond-dust resin; as Koenigsegg’s website so poetically describes it, “When sunlight hits the Trevita, it sparkles as if millions of tiny white diamonds are infused inside the visible carbon fiber bodywork.” Couple that with the car's absurd specifications—it can go from 0 to 100 mph in 2.9 seconds and boasts a V8 engine with 1,018 brake horsepower—and you have a vehicle that will be the envy (and theft target) of everyone in the Mets’ parking lot.
There’s one slight hitch to Cespedes pulling up to spring training in a car worth more than most of the Mets’ starting rotation: Only two CCXR Trevitas have ever been made. While there were plans for three, the choice to use that diamond-infused carbon fiber forced Koenigsegg to produce only a pair, and both were sold; one is rumored to be part of boxer Floyd Mayweather's fleet. So unless Cespedes has plans for a daring heist of Mayweather's car collection, he'll have to settle for another ride.
BelAZ 75710 ultra-class haul truck
Price Tag: $6M
Top Speed: 40 mph
As nice as the CCXR Trevita is, it’s still a sports car, and Cespedes already seems to be set in that department. So why not go truly big and shell out some money for the world's largest truck: the BelAZ 75710, an industrial dump truck built in the former Soviet republic of Belarus. The numbers are staggering: The truck weighs 360 metric tons empty, or over three times what a Boeing 757 does; it stands nearly 27 feet tall and 32 feet wide; and it has two 16-cylinder diesel engines, giving it 4,600 horsepower, or nearly eight times what Cespedes's Lamborghini puts out.
Of course, that much size has its drawbacks. As noted above, the top speed is only 40 mph, so drag racing is more or less out of the question. The height and width make it slightly unpractical for today's modern garages and parking lots. Fuel efficiency isn't a selling point, either; the truck goes through 343 gallons of diesel every 62 miles. But if Cespedes harbors any thoughts of leaving the baseball life behind to become an industrial coal miner in Eastern Europe, he should consider calling his local BelAz dealership to take this thing for a test drive.
K2 Black Panther tank
Price Tag: $8.5 million
Top Speed: 43 mph
Given that the Mets make their spring home in Florida, it would make sense for Cespedes to invest in something that fits in with the state's general attitude of weaponized insanity. What better choice, then, than the K2 Black Panther, the main battle tank of the Republic of Korea? At $8.5 million, the K2 Black Panther is reportedly the most expensive tank in the world, but you certainly get plenty of bang for your buck. (Sorry.) The tank features a classified composite armor, a 120 mm smoothbore gun that can fire up to 10 rounds a minute, two machine guns capable of firing over 15,000 rounds, and a 12-cylinder diesel engine that cranks out 1,500 horsepower—not to mention tread tracks that can chew up any piece of terrain, even AstroTurf.
It's hard to say whether the K2 would be street legal in Florida—though it’s hard to imagine there actually being a law on the state’s books against owning a tank—but that wouldn't be the only hitch to Cespedes having his own personal combat vehicle. There are only 45 of these tanks currently in existence, all of which are serving in South Korea, and manufacturer Hyundai Rotem doesn't have plans to crank these out for individual consumer purchase. On top of that, you need a crew of three to drive the K2, and it's unlikely the Mets would sign off on Cespedes drafting the team into helping him start an armored division—that is, unless the tank can also play the infield.
Price Tag: $1 million
Top Speed: 155 mph
A literal tank may be too much even for a man who drives a car that spits flames. So why not settle for the next best thing? No, you can’t actually buy the full Batmobile Tumbler used in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Trilogy, mostly because it doesn't exist; instead, the movie's production designers created several versions of the Tumbler to be used in different scenes and scenarios. Nonetheless, that didn’t stop some brilliant individual from constructing an actual full-scale replica of Bruce Wayne’s night-time ride for sale, and it's street-legal to boot.
The replica Batmobile comes with a lot of features Cespedes will appreciate: It’s painted black, can reportedly reach 155 mph and has a jet engine in the rear that shoots fire. Sadly, though, the replica doesn’t come with a rocket launcher, machine guns, stealth mode, caltrops or the ejectable Batpod motorcycle, making it a poor substitute at best for the Caped Crusader's car of choice. Also, it's hard to imagine Harvey, the Mets’ own Dark Knight, being okay with Cespedes stealing his bit. Maybe Yoenis can try to track down Wonder Woman’s invisible jet?
Price Tag: A lot of fuel or a new wife for Immortan Joe, probably
Top Speed: 77 mph
As far as movie cars go, the Batmobile Tumbler would be a fine addition to Cespedes's garage. But should he desire to ride eternal, shiny and chrome, to the gates of Valhalla, then there's only one right choice: the Gigahorse, the personal car of Mad Max: Fury Road villain Immortan Joe. At the very least, it's hard to imagine a more distinctive ride than one built out of the chassis of two 1959 Cadillac Coupe de Villes welded together and mounted on a monster truck's frame with two twin V8 engines. Plus, it comes with a flamethrower, satisfying Cespedes's car-related pyromania.
All of that makes the Gigahorse an ideal option for Cespedes if he wants to live, die and then live again on the Fury Road that is the stretch of I-95 running through Port St. Lucie, Fla., but the Mets would probably prefer that their big off-season investment not turn himself into a marauding warlord of a post-apocalyptic world ruled by fire and blood. Plus, without a steady supply of War Boys at his side, Cespedes won't have the help he needs to stay in charge for long. And all that silver spray paint simply can't be good for your health.