When she's not taking time online to teach you about the proper way to prepare sweet pea seeds for planting, showing off some brand-new Ball Jars, telling the world about her pussy willow pruning or asking you to buy Rick Ross's new album "Rather You Than Me" (featuring a cake she made of the album cover!), home goods impresario and former jailhouse queen Martha Stewart is apparently out here trying to ruin baseball players' bids for history.
It's top of the seventh here at yankee stadium and the Yankees are pitching a perfect game versus the Tampa rays— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) April 10, 2017
As Martha typed away on her phone—definitely an iPhone, likely with a case that has a floral design on it, unless she hired someone to type tweets for her and (probably) also carry her (also probably) gigantic purse at all times, which I can definitely see—from her seat at Yankee Stadium, Michael Pineda was 20 outs into a perfect game against the Tampa Bay Rays and just seven outs away from baseball immortality. But just as Martha hit "Tweet" and turned her thoughts to the gardenias she'd like to plant along the walkway of her house in Maine, Rays third baseman Evan Longoria ripped a double into leftfield to break up Pineda's perfect game.
As you can imagine, folks online weren't too happy with Martha's inadvertent jinx, though it did give the Rays a chance to drop everyone's favorite dismissal of 2017.
fake news— Tampa Bay Rays (@RaysBaseball) April 10, 2017
Now, we should note that it is impossible for anyone—much less the woman who's provided so much joy to the world through a seemingly neverending series of cookbooks, holiday specials, a TV baking show where she and Snoop Dogg have somehow come together to form America's greatest couple and a Peter Gammons-esque tweet about a random cow—to cause a perfect game or no-hitter to be broken up simply by talking about it. It's a longstanding bit of silliness that far too many people abide by, including members of the press, not to mention a perfect game or no-hitter in progress, as if there's some higher power devoting their attention to making sure that humans are deadly quiet and respectful vis a vis the process of getting 27 outs without allowing a base runner or hit.
That said, Martha Stewart absolutely jinxed the hell out of Michael Pineda, and she owes him a very tasetful yet elaborate floral arrangement by way of apology.
(Also, while we're here, am I the only one who kind of hopes that Martha Stewart takes this moment to pivot into becoming a sports analyst? If she did, do you think she'd be more of a talk radio-style hot takes slinger, or would she be more of a stats-oriented type? Someone please put Martha into a TV or radio booth and let's find out.)