Phillies manager Gabe Kapler getting grilled about revealing his masturbation habits was an embarrassment.

By Jimmy Traina
November 03, 2017

1. On Thursday, Nov. 2, 2017, sports media hit its all-time low.

While Gabe Kapler was introduced as the new Phillies manager, one reporter, Howard Eskin, actually questioned Kapler and Philadelphia GM, Matt Klentak, about Kapler being fit for the job because he once said he used coconut oil to masturbate. Now, let's break this down.

If Eskin was trying to go for a cheap laugh, this would've been just fine. Everybody enjoys a good masturbation joke or pun ("Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love." -- Annie Hall, 1977). However, Eskin was not going for brevity.

He was legitimately wondering about whether Kapler was the right man to manage a baseball team because he once said in a blog post, "You’re moisturized and smelling tropical, your teeth are white and your face looks like you’ve just visited a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. The sun has set, and the moon is out. Perhaps you have a friend nearby, perhaps it’s just you by your lonesome…well, this is awkward. I’ve promised you authenticity, honesty and openness. Take this how you wish and I’ll spare you the step by step. Coconut oil is the world’s greatest lubricant. I can’t help where your mind goes with this. Once the ball leaves the bat, I can’t steer it.”

OK, yes, there can definitely be some fun had with that statement, but Eskin was basically treating Kapler as if he were a criminal. He couldn't even get the absurd question out in a cohesive manner. Here, verbatim, is how Eskin asked his very important question:

"Matt, were there, you expressed that there were no reservations with some of the things you saw, uh, that Gabe had written on his blog and had tweeted. Uh, I’m trying to figure out, if, you said there were none. There are none?

And as far as Gabe, Gabe, are you proud of some of the stuff — you said you express yourself — I don’t wanna get specific but, uh, people in the room, but there’s an elephant in the room, people here. I mean, Coconut oil is a phrase, uh, I throw it out there. Gabe any reservations and Matt any reservations? Gabe for putting it out there and Matt while you were in the interview process."

So, Klentak said he had no reservations about hiring Kapler over things he had written on his lifestyle blog, yet Eskin asked Klentak if there was none, as if he was incredulous a man could get hired because he liked to whack off with coconut oil.

Then, Eskin asked Kapler if he was "proud" of the things he wrote in his blog. Oh, give me a break. The guy was writing a lifestyle blog to help people improve their lives, not a hate manifesto.

Then Eskin said Kapler's fondness for self-pleasure with coconut oil is an elephant in the room. Really? REALLY? Are baseball reporters 12 years old? Elephant in the room? How would Eskin react if Kapler had actually done something, you know, wrong? 

Then it was back to "reservations." THE GUY SAID HE MASTURBATES WITH COCONUT OIL! What does that have to do with being a baseball manager? What does that have to do with making pitching changes, filling out a lineup card and running a clubhouse. He didn't rob a bank. He didn't murder someone. He didn't collude with Russia. He said he uses a specific kind of oil for the times he enjoys being alone.

Get a grip, Howard.


2. On the newest Off The Board podcast, I interviewed Sports Illustrated Managing Editor, Chris Stone. You may have heard that SI had a cover in 2014 that predicted the Astros would win the 2017 World Series. We discussed how that all came about along with what it means that Sports Illustrated will be going from 37 to 28 issues in 2018, how he would've handled the Jemele Hill situation, his thoughts on how SI staffers should handle social media, running a magazine in the Donald Trump era and more. You can listen below or in these places: iTunes | SoundCloud | Stitcher

3. The Jets beat the Bills, 34-21 last night, to improve to 4-5, so they deserved to have a big dance party.

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When the whole squad’s lit...

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4. Two great coaches. One game. Two F-bombs. 

5. This has not been a good season for the NFL and it seems to get worse each and every day. This list is just depressing as hell.

6. Jose Altuve appeared on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon last night and said he knew in spring training the Astros would win the World Series.


7. Huge WWE fan, Josh Reddick, will be very happy about this.

8. Mind. Blown.

The best of the Internet, plus musings by writer, Jimmy Traina. Get the link to a new Traina's Thoughts each day by following on Twitter and liking on Facebook. Catch up on previous editions of Traina Thoughts. And check Jimmy Traina's weekly podcast, "Off The Board," on iTunes, SoundCloud and Stitcher.

BONUS ITEM: Raiders -3 at the Dolphins on Sunday night is my lock of the weekend.

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