Scott Boras’s Annual Winter Meetings Metaphor Festival Didn’t Disappoint
Boras was up to his old tricks
Every December, MLB superagent Scott Boras holds a press conference at the winter meetings that garners the attention of every reporter in attendance. That’s partly because Boras represents the biggest names in baseball and media members want updates on their free-agency negotiations, but it’s also because they want to know what ridiculous collection of words will come out of Boras’s mouth next.
Boras’s annual audience with the press has become notorious for his tendency to speak in elaborate metaphors. In 2016, he talked a bunch about boats and the ocean. In 2018, he invoked race cars in the chase for Bryce Harper. It’s not just at the winter meetings, either. Over the summer, Boras told Tom Verducci that MLB’s new playoff TV contract was a “rectal thermometer.”
The winter meetings have gone virtual this year, so there was no big group of reporters to crowd around Boras as he doled out little pearls of wisdom, but the press conference went ahead on Zoom and he didn’t disappoint.
New Mets catcher James McCann became a “Big Mac.”
Mets GM Jared Porter was also compared to a cut of beef.
Mets owner Steve Cohen was praised for his big cojones, or as they (don’t) say in New York, “big apples.”
Angels GM Perry Minasian became an old TV detective.
Jackie Bradley Jr. became a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
The Cubs’ front office became a kitchen.
Chicago’s NL club is also a cake and a boat.
There was something about a 60-game season being a side street versus the freeway of a full 162-game slate.
He has to have a team of writers coming up with this stuff for him, right? At the very least, there’s no way he’s coming up with this stuff off the top of his head. He has to be sitting there with a stack of index cards for all 30 teams, waiting to drop his line about how the Rockies need one big piece to reach the top of the competitive mountain, or whatever.
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A good song
Email dan.gartland@si.com with any feedback or follow me on Twitter for approximately one half-decent baseball joke per week. Bookmark this page to see previous editions of Hot Clicks and find the newest edition every day. By popular request I’ve made a Spotify playlist of the music featured here. Visit our Extra Mustard page throughout each day for more offbeat sports stories.
