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During MLB’s COVID-shortened season in 2020, Kevin Gausman began a peculiar routine.

Then a member of the San Francisco Giants, the right-hander heeded some advice from his teammate, Hunter Pence, and began to jot down his thoughts onto pen and paper before each start. The whole process was about establishing unwavering confidence, Gausman said, and repetition was the key.

By spring training in 2021, Gausman’s mental technique evolved. The phrase he emphasized in his notes now replayed in his head. Each morning, he’d drive to the Giants’ facility in Scottsdale, Az., with one – and only one – objective on his mind.

“I am a 20-game winner,” Gausman would tell himself. “And whatever I need to do for me to win 20 games, that’s what I've got to do.”

Nowadays, if you happen upon the Blue Jays’ clubhouse early enough, you might see Gausman, often dressed in grey sweatpants, hunched over the high-top table near his locker. His eyes are fixated on his journal, as if he’s studying a scouting report, while his right hand wiggles along the paper at a rhythmic pace.

Gausman isn’t signing autographs or scripting his first 15 pitches of the ballgame. Before every start, the 31-year-old finds a unique way to get locked in, narrow his blinders, and calibrate his focus.

Like a machine, Gausman prints the same phrase into his booklet — “I am a 20-game winner” — over and over and over until he has laid out the sentence 50 times on a fresh sheet of paper.

It’s a freaky thing to poke around inside a pitcher’s mind. They are creatures of varying builds, attitudes, and skillsets, all assigned to a maddening task – throw the little white ball past the hitter’s bat.

Gausman has been excellent in his first season since signing a five-year, $110-million dollar deal. His 2.01 FIP is the best in the majors, and he has a 3.06 ERA (129 ERA+) in 111.2 innings pitched.

Gausman has been excellent in his first season since signing a five-year, $110-million dollar deal. His 2.01 FIP is the best in the majors, and he has a 3.06 ERA (129 ERA+) in 111.2 innings pitched.

In a game rooted in failure, it’s no surprise certain individuals experiment with wacky methods of preparation. And when a pitcher like Gausman finds something that sticks, they’ll take it to the highest degree, especially if the results on the field follow.

“This game beats you up all the time,” Gausman said. “You gotta build yourself up. And that’s one of the things that worked for me.”

Armed with baseball’s best splitter, why wouldn’t he be confident? But, as it turns out, the impenetrable self-esteem is what makes the split do its job. The mentality makes the pitch, not the other way around.

After his mental mapping and traditional scouting reviews are done, there’s still the mighty task of pitching in the game. In stadiums packed with raucous, sometimes hostile screaming fans, pitchers can easily become overwhelmed. Gausman has a unique strategy for re-orienting the bright lights of a major-league stage.

“Before I throw my first pitch, I'll look around in the stadium and I'll literally say to myself, ‘Every person is here to watch me pitch today,’” Gausman said. “And that just kind of gets me in the mindset that’s like, ‘Alright, let’s give ‘em a show. Let’s put on a show. Those people came to watch me.’

“Even if I'm in Yankee Stadium and I know they came to see Aaron Judge and all those guys, in the back of my mind I’m like, ‘No, they paid their money, their hard-working money, to come and watch me strike these guys out.’”

It isn’t arrogance that fuels Gausman’s engine. In fact, the larger-than-life mentality he totes on the hill is what pushed him through the standard challenges pro baseball chucks at any brave soul who dares commit their life to America’s Pastime.

“You have to have the belief that no matter who you're pitching against, whatever lineup you're facing, you're the best pitcher at that given moment,” Gausman said. “That’s just a mentality that I like to take. It always worked for me.”

Gausman has been traded, demoted to the bullpen, and designated for assignment during his 10-year career. He survived it all. And when a player returns from such a humble state, as Gausman did, he’s often more headstrong than ever before.

Blue Jays manager John Schneider is familiar with that journey. Not from his own experience, but from that of those around him.

“I think great players and great competitors really have something that's deliberate that they can always fall back on,” Schneider said.

As a catcher in the Blue Jays minor-league system from 2003 to 2007, Schneider had the rare chance of being around the late Roy Halladay, a legendary – and supremely confident – starting pitcher.

Halladay, who won 148 games in a Blue Jays uniform from 1998-2009, was an inspiration to Gausman. Both pitchers grew up in Colorado. 

Halladay, who won 148 games in a Blue Jays uniform from 1998-2009, was an inspiration to Gausman. Both pitchers grew up in Colorado. 

“He was a machine,” Schneider said of Halladay. “He was the guy that everyone knew, just don’t get in his way on the day he was pitching.”

During one spring training, Schneider subbed in for starting catcher Gregg Zaun and caught Halladay’s bullpen.

“It was 20 pitches or something, like, ‘Hey, grab in. Grab Doc,’” he said. “And I was like, ‘Oh, wow, great.’ And it was pinpoint. It was like a surgeon, and it was the middle of February.”

There have been tall tales over the years about Doc's voracious work ethic and no-nonsense attitude on the hill. Schneider saw it all up close, which is why he sees shades of Halladay in Gausman.

“I remember [Halladay], and I know that Kevin really used him as a guy he looked up to,” the Jays’ skipper said. “So you can kind of see some similarities.”

Halladay won 20 games in a season twice for the Blue Jays, first in 2003 – the year he won the AL Cy Young – and again in 2008. Gausman has yet to achieve the 20-win mark. The closest he came was last season with the Giants, when he won 14 games in 33 starts.

Gausman, who’s under contract in Toronto through 2026, will have ample opportunity to hit his fateful single-season achievement in the coming seasons.

And until he succeeds, the starting pitcher will manifest that objective every start-day, over and over again.

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