NBA Grades: Best and Worst Halloween Costumes
You know how some people say that you can learn everything about a person based on the way they play basketball? Well, you can also learn a lot about a basketball player by what they decide to wear on Halloween. In recent years, NBA players have developed a rich tradition of going all-in on this particular calendar date. Thanks to Twitter and Instagram, we have no choice but to watch from afar.
The powers that be crowned this writer as the highly unnecessary, yet very powerful arbiter of everything pertaining to NBA players’ Halloween costumes. The day has come and gone. Only now we can dole out the all-important, 100% comprehensive and thoughtful analysis. After all, you miss every costume take you don’t take.
Without further ado, let's grade the NBA's best and worst Halloween costumes from this year.
LeBron James as Pennywise: B
You’ll notice many members of the Cavaliers in this post, as James threw his annual Halloween party at his home, and his teammates were presumably pressured into going all-in. LeBron set the tone with this look, which I assume took some customization because all the 6’8” size clown suits that exist most likely belong to actual serial killers. The execution is strong. It’s not that original, but props.
They all win one for the Land down here. You’ll win one, too. Speaking of IT…
Isaiah Thomas as Eazy-E: A
Isaiah Thomas completely pulled this off. Not much else to say. Eazy-E, Eazy-A.
Steph Curry as Jigsaw: B
Synergy between the costume and the person beneath it is a critical factor on Halloween, particularly after you turn like, 25 years old. Jigsaw, the antagonist from the Saw series, likes to torture people to death by playing games with them. Steph Curry, the leader of the increasingly villainous Golden State Warriors, likes to torture people by dribbling around them in various circles before shooting threes over them. I just found out a a Jigsaw solo movie came out this week, but Saw is a little played out, honestly. Good, not great.
Tristan Thompson and Khloe Kardashian as Khal Drogo and Khaleesi: C+
They may have won Best Couples Costume at LeBron’s function, but I’m not sure how I feel about the actual getup. Khal Drogo died like six seasons ago. Deron Williams pulled this costume off better years ago! How many animals died for Khloe’s jacket? This one came with a plot twist: not only is she the Mother of Dragons, she’s also apparently going to be the Mother of Thompsons. Overall, could have been better.
Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union as Milli Vanilli: A+
Here’s a couple’s costume we can get behind. These jackets are amazing.
Rudy Gobert, Ricky Rubio and Raul Neto: D
There’s a lot going on here. I know this isn’t a group costume, but let’s just grade the Jazz as a whole. First of all, I appreciate Rudy Gobert’s effort with the whole full-body gold thing, but it’s a little creepy and a little much. He’s a pharaoh, right? Imagine a 7’3” sarcophagus. I suppose there aren’t a lot of things you can dress up as when you’re that tall, but it doesn’t work for me. The guy next to him is Raul Neto, who put very little effort into being a viking. Most importantly, Ricky Rubio went as Luigi, apparently with no Mario beside him. That’s ballsy, but also just not a great costume.
Full disclosure, my roommate and I did the Mario and Luigi thing over the weekend, and we talked to a number of people who agreed that you can go as Mario without a Luigi, but you can’t go as Luigi with no Mario. For an analogy Jazz fans can understand, it’s like dressing up as Malone without Stockton. NEXT.
The Memphis Grizzlies: A-
Here’s Mike Conley proving that very principle. Solo Mario doesn’t look weird. Lone Wolf Luigi can’t not look out of place. Here are some very good looks, from Wayne Selden doing Get Out, Chandler Parsons as a doctor of some kind, and my personal favorite, Someone Who Has To Be Marc Gasol In Disguise standing on the right (his presence elevates the Grizz into A range). Time to grit and grind (your teeth on all of this Halloween candy that you have left over).
Melo as the Night King: C+
I know a lot of people liked this one, and the makeup is great, but the actual Night King doesn’t have armor like that. We grade on a curve in this class.
J.R. Smith: A-
Kevin Love: A-
Kevin and J.R. both look great, as do their significant others. These are creative and unusual costumes. An aside: I wish J.R. Smith were on the Jazz so he have gone as the Mario to Ricky Rubio’s Luigi. (Cue the bad pipe jokes).
Russell Westbrook and Nick Collison in White Men Can’t Jump: A
You saw these a couple weeks ago, and you can applaud again.
Whatever Kelly Oubre is: F
Kelly Oubre looks like an extra in Cats.
Lauri Markkanen as the Cat in the Hat: B
I honestly can’t tell if this was a rookie prank or just his actual costume, but it works. If it was a prank, it sure beats getting punched in the face.
JabariParker as a Black Panther: A
Dressing up as a Black Panther: a little cooler than going as comic book Black Panther.
Kyle Korver: B
Grown men dressed as Willy Wonka will never not be weird. Also who are these Oompa Loompas?
Kristaps Porzingis as Himself: F
Because although Kristaps is marvelous, the Unicorn as a basketball player descriptive construct is trash.
