Crisco didn’t work, so...

By Dan Gartland
February 01, 2018

Philadelphia police thought they came up with a genius plan to keep Eagles-related celebrations civil after the NFC championship game: coat the street poles downtown in a liberal layer of Crisco. But after the police commissioner conceded on Tuesday that the vegetable shortening scheme was a bust, the cops have come up with another idea. 

The police are planning to use gear oil—the type a mechanic uses to keep your transmission running smoothly—to thwart any would-be pole climbers after the Super Bowl on Sunday, according to Fox 29 in Philadelphia.

While fans were able to scale the Crisco-coated poles with relative ease, gear oil should provide a stiffer challenge. The news station spoke to a mechanic who works with gear oil and the folks at a laundromat and came away with the conclusion that at the very least your clothes would be ruined. 

Eagles fans have been waiting since 1960 to celebrate a championship. A greasy shirt might be a reasonable price to pay 

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HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
OUT
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
IN
Eagle (-2)
Birdie (-1)
Bogey (+1)
Double Bogey (+2)