By Ryan Glasspiegel
May 06, 2013

What's this video, you ask? Oh, nothing, just an average day for Bret Boone, daydreaming about rec men's softball while dining with two attractive close-sitters in a seemingly fancy restaurant that doesn't skimp on the beef jerky entrees or votive candles.


It's actually a commercial for Brandt's Beef Jerky, as well as a vessel for irony, considering that Brandt's, which boasts about serving beef that was raised without hormones or antibiotics, used suspected PED enthusiast Bret Boone as a pitchman.

But enough about Bret Boone, because, really, Bret Boone. The star of this commercial is Brandt's award-winning beef jerky. I've never tasted Brandt's award-winning beef jerky; I don't recall ever seeing it in stores. Of course, even if I had seen it in stores I don't know if I would have tried it. With all the types of beef jerky in circulation, who has the time and wherewithal to try each one? Assorted jerkies take up an entire aisle in every convenience store; in addition to garden variety beef sticks and nuggets, there are packages with cheese sticks, dipping sauces and caffeine. Broaden your horizons beyond beef and you'll find turkey jerky, bacon jerky and even ostrich jerky. We're inching our way towards a reality in which duck jerky is not just a snack for dogs, and I welcome it. (Recipes exist, but I can't find anywhere that mass-produces it for human consumption.)

Perhaps the most appealing manifestation of jerky-mania is the arrival of more and more small-batch beef jerkies in bars—it's the perfect complement for beer, and whenever I see it during a night out I get tunnel vision and must have it. When this happens, I usually wake up with regret—I'm trying to watch my figure—but not so much so that I won't let it happen again.

Anyways, as a jerky enthusiast, I think that this proliferation is wonderful. Bret Boone, on the other hand, I can take or leave.

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