Survivor Series gets touted corporately as the marquee second-longest running pay-per-view in WWE history, and that’s impossible to dispute! It stands as a very old tradition in the television wrestling business, and will forever be cited as the exact place where stuff like the Montreal Screwjob happened. The festivities will be renewed on Sunday, where global ambassador for impotent rage John Cena leads a ragtag group of babyfaces against the same people he’s been beating in matches for six months.
But for all the accolades, Survivor Series always feels like it’s a few rungs down the totem pole in terms of importance. Maybe that’s because of its inenviable, not-quite-WrestleMania season scheduling, or maybe it’s just the massive 5v5 crunch required of the roster. Whatever the case, there’s been a number of legit no-namers to grace the Survivor Series pageantry over the years, and that’s lead to plenty of unintentional comedy. Without further ado, we give you the most inexplicable people to ever make their way into a Survivor Series team.
The Red Rooster - Survivor Series '88
You always do what the man in the suit says. It’s a tradition that goes back to the beginning of time. This year, Daniel Bryan had to call Bo Dallas a “Bo-ner.” In the late ‘80s, Terry Taylor, a fine, journeyman wrestler, was told to dye a horrible mohawk red and become “The Red Rooster.”
Oh The Red Rooster, a gimmick just as stupid now as it was then. God bless Taylor, he ate that Macho Man elbow drop like a champ and gracefully exited the ring. You always need a guy to go down early… (sorry Dolph!)
Cryme Tyme - Survivor Series 2008
Why are people so nervous about the WWE’s handling of their burgeoning all-black New Day faction? Because it was only six years ago that Cryme Tyme were prominent members of a Survivor Series match!
Dink the Clown - Survivor Series ‘94
For whatever reason, if you put a little person in front of Vince McMahon he completely loses his mind and goes absolutely nuts. “I WANT THAT IN MY SHOW, DRESS HIM UP AS A BULL/CLOWN/ANOTHER FULL-SIZE WRESTLER.”
Your marquee Survivor Series match in ‘94 put Jerry Lawler and a couple of chuckleheads against Doink the Clown and a bunch of little person versions of Doink the Clown. Their names were Dink, Pink, and Wink. On a show where Chuck Norris guest-ref’d, this was still somehow the worst thing of the night.
Snitsky - Survivor Series 2006
An actual thing that happened at a Survivor Series pay-per-view:
"I like your poetry. I like what you do... to babies."
Mason Ryan - Survivor Series 2011
When idiots on the internet complain about top brass burying their best talent, what they’re really talking about is a guy like Mason Ryan headlining big wrestling shows while Dolph Ziggler is getting 10 minutes against John Morrison.
Kofi Kingston - Survivor Series 2009
It’s not surprising that Kofi made his way onto a Survivor Series team, I mean, it’s a stipulation made for fringe role-players to fill out the edges on underwhelming cards.
What is surprising, is that once upon a time Kofi Kingston was enough of a thing to name an entire team after himself. And they went over!
This was 2009!!! You remember 2009! How has Kofi’s career fizzled out this quickly? HE WAS LEADING AN ARMY AGAINST CM PUNK AND RANDY ORTON. WHAT IN GOD'S NAME HAPPENED?
Gregory Helms - Survivor Series 2006
I’m not going to lie, I had completely forgotten about Gregory Helms until famed wrestling-writer Brandon Stroud jostled some very faint memories earlier this week. Who was Gregory Helms? I still don’t entirely know, and neither did the WWE. I mean, this was his titantron loop:
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