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It was an all-out sprint, actually.

By Dan Gartland
August 16, 2019

That’s not really a “trot”

The Phillies are only one game behind the Cubs for the final NL Wild Card spot after taking three straight from Chicago in Philadelphia, and they capped off the sweep in the most dramatic fashion imaginable. 

Bryce Harper, after falling behind 0–2, blasted a towering grand slam to walk it off

But as impressive as the homer itself was (113 mph off the bat, reaching a maximum height of 158 feet), I just can’t stop thinking about how Harper circled the bases. 

Harper was a ball of uncontainable energy as he sprinted to the plate. After taking his sweet time getting to first base, Harper booked it from first to home in just 11.3 seconds, according to Statcast. Running the whole way at that pace would have put his home-to-home time at 15 seconds, the fifth-fasted in MLB this year. It also would have been the fastest of Harper’s career, beating the 16.2 seconds it took him to circle the bases after a first-inning homer against the Cardinals in his rookie year. With the celebratory jaunt to first, Harper’s walk-off trot took a total of 19.3 seconds. 

“I was just so excited to get back with the boys at home plate,” Harper told reporters after the game. “Everybody was going nuts. I was trying to get there as quick as possible to celebrate.”

The moment was even better in Spanish. 

The only people not thrilled by the drama were the Cubs broadcasters, who sounded like they were commentating on a funeral. 

You have to feel bad for DeMarcus Cousins

DeMarcus Cousins’s first year with the Lakers is over before it even began. He tore his ACL during an innocuous workout in Las Vegas yesterday. TMZ, because they’re TMZ, managed to obtain footage of the play on which the injury occurred and it seems harmless enough. 

It’s the second serious leg injury for Cousins in 20 months, so it’s fair to wonder if we’ve seen the last of a guy who will be on the wrong side of 30 when he returns. 

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Around the sports world

How Wiffle Ball became a competitive sport. ... Steelers left tackle Alejandro Villaneuva is trying to gain 20 pounds before Week 1. ... Two British triathletes were disqualified after they crossed the finish line holding hands. ... Tom Brady has absolutely no interest in coaching. ... The guy who covered the Titans for The Athletic last year is joining a college football coaching staff

The fake-out was the best part

It got called back for a penalty, but still

Just filthy

Everybody needs a jolt in the afternoon

Who knew a man with braces could be so mean?

I laughed too hard at this

Be mindful of falling glaciers

UConn coach Randy Edsall challenged a reporter to catch a punt

He had everyone on skates 

Stone Cold Steve Austin was amazing on “Hot Ones”

Not sports

Police in Texas are looking for a woman who keeps crashing weddings and stealing gifts. ... Scientists in Wyoming discovered a massive trove of dinosaur bones. ... A Wisconsin fugitive evaded capture for three years by living in an advanced bunker in the woods. ... A Philadelphia radio station is playing the entirety of Woodstock this weekend, in real time. 

“That’s a zero”

Dave Chappelle has a new Netflix special

Gotta catch ’em all

Irony is a wonderful thing

A good song

Email dan.gartland@simail.com with any feedback or follow me on Twitter for approximately one half-decent baseball joke per week. Bookmark this page to see previous editions of Hot Clicks and find the newest edition every day. By popular request I’ve made a Spotify playlist of the music featured here. Visit our Extra Mustard page throughout each day for more offbeat sports stories.

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