That’s the first time he’s been responsible for a stop this season
As bad as the NFC East is this year, the Cowboys’ defense may be the worst unit in the division. Thus far, they’ve allowed a league-high 243 points in seven games. That’s nearly 35 points per game. They’re allowing 408.1 total yards per game (sixth worst in the league), 178.3 rushing yards per game (worst in the league by a wide margin) and have forced only three turnovers (tied for fewest in the league).
All year long, defensive coordinator Mike Nolan hasn’t been able to dial up a stop to save his life, but on Monday afternoon he had the improbable stop of the season. Nolan was forced to walk out of his conference call with the media after he rubbed hot sauce in his eye.
If that—a sudden, unexpected sensation of searing pain caused by a combination of sloppiness and negligence—doesn’t describe the experience of being a Cowboys fan in 2020, I don’t know what does.
Nolan was eventually able to return to the podium after the burning sensation went away.
He’s lucky it was Tabasco, which is mostly vinegar, and not a more chili-pepper-based sauce like sriracha. It’s the capsaicin in peppers that’s really difficult to get out of your eyes. (The trick is to use milk, because capsaicin is fat-soluble.)
If he’d watched the hit YouTube series Hot Ones, Nolan would know you’re never supposed to touch your eyes after eating something with hot sauce. You’re supposed to avoid touching your face these days anyway, so the hot sauce is just an extra incentive to keep your hands away from there.
The best of SI
The story of why the popularity of competitive Scrabble has declined considerably in recent years involves more scandal than you might think. ... Is this finally when all of Dave Roberts’s postseason experience finally pays off with a World Series win? ... Give the Sun Belt the respect it deserves. It might be better than the Big 12 this year.
Around the sports world
Eight early-season college basketball tournaments previously scheduled to take place at ESPN’s Disney campus have been called off. ... Los Angeles’s public health director says Dodgers and Lakers fans celebrating may be partially responsible for an increase in coronavirus cases there. ... Cam Newton says he’s embarrassed by how poorly he played before getting benched on Sunday. ... An Australian rugby player played through a championship game with a broken shoulder.
Can Lane sit in on a math class this week?
Spectacular footwork here
Johnny Hekker is the LeBron James of punting
(Here’s his full highlight reel, which the NFL won’t allow me to embed here because it has the worst online video policy of any U.S. sports league.)
Ron Rivera finished his cancer treatments without missing a game
“I just sat there in my chair with tears running down my face”
You can’t coach that
He wasn’t just talking trash, though. He made a good point about why he doesn’t respect Dekker.
NASA has discovered evidence of frozen water on the moon. ... Crews wearing suits straight out of a sci-fi movie were called in to deal with a nest of “murder hornets” in Washington. ... The world’s first handheld calculator is up for auction.
If you know, you know
Kazakhstan’s tourism board is leaning into the Borat association
Snowpiercer in real life
So that’s why he refuses to take his helmet off
A floating office in the East River
A good song
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