They Said What? One Last Look Back at 2022 Through Some Questionable Quotes
Welcome to a surprising new year. Weren’t our coastlines and most of Florida supposed to be submerged in the ocean by now?
Just as well. That could have interfered with the PGA Tour’s new “elevated tournaments.”
If you don’t know history, you are doomed to repeat it. Same goes for watching the History Channel.
So here’s one last look at 2022 in golf and Stuff They Said That You Should Remember …
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, YOU WILL NEVER PLAY A RYDER OR PRESIDENTS CUP
“I haven’t played a Ryder Cup or a Presidents Cup, but I can’t imagine there’s a whole hell of a lot of a difference. This was as cool as it gets. It’s awesome.” —Talor Gooch after his squad won a LIV Golf team title in Portland.
Fact check: It would be hard to be more wrong. Example: “I’ve never driven a Bentley, but I can’t imagine there’s a hell of a lot of difference from driving a Toyota Corolla.”
MORE UNNERVING THAN HAVING YOUR MULLET TRIMMED BY EDWARD SCISSORHANDS
So what does it feel like to play in a Presidents Cup?
Presidents Cup rookie Max Homa, who was 4–0 in matches in another U.S. team victory last year, on the Prez Cup atmosphere: “There’s so many people, you can feel them on the back of your neck.”
THE DAY THE WHEELS CAME OFF—BUT NOT THAT DAY AND NOT THOSE WHEELS
“I hit a thousand putts out there today.” —Tiger Woods after a third-round 78, his worst-ever Masters score, that featured five three-putts (counting two from the fringe) and a four-putt
NICE TO MEET YOU TOO, MR. NOSTRADAMUS
Rory McIlroy assessed the outlook in February for then not-quite-formalized rival LIV Golf group: “Who’s left to go? There’s no one. It’s dead in the water. Greg Norman would have to tee it up to fill the field. I don’t think they could get 48 guys.”
Fact check: LIV played eight tournaments with full 48-man fields; Dustin Johnson won more than $35 million.
AFTER TITANIC SANK IN THAT MOVIE, LEONARDO DiCAPRIO'S CHARACTER WASN'T DEAD IN THE WATER EITHER ... FOR A WHILE
LIV Golf commissioner Greg Norman’s call-back rebuttal via Twitter in mid-November: “From dead in the water to an important part of the future of golf all in eight months. LIV Golf has only just begun.”
YES, HOW DARE WE QUESTION YOUR INTEGRITY, SIR!
“It’s been pretty clear for a long time now that I’m with the PGA Tour, it’s where I’m staying. … [LIV Golf] will get their guys. Somebody will sell out and go.” —Brooks Koepka at the WM Phoenix Open in February
HOW MANY MILLION 'OPINIONS' DID IT TAKE?
“Opinions change. I did what’s best for me.”—Brooks Koepka, explaining his defection to LIV Golf shortly after the U.S. Open.
THANKS FOR THE GENEROUS PENSION PLAN, LIV
Possibly the real reason behind Brooks Koepka’s reversal to “sell out” and join LIV Golf: In 2019 he tore a knee tendon, reinjured it by slipping on wet cement at the CJ Cup and damaged his labrum while favoring that bad knee. And in 2020 he dislocated and shattered his right kneecap in what the 32-year-old revealed last October to have happened in a “family event” accident he declined to discuss.
“I didn’t know if my career was over for a half-second. … I blew my knee out, and my foot was pointed almost backwards and sideways. I’m probably going to have to have a knee replacement in a few years.”
Footnote: Koepka won a LIV Golf title late in 2022 after his string of injuries.
ALSO CONTAGIOUS: THE OMICRON VARIANT
Cold streak: Talented Tony Finau won once in his first 185 PGA Tour events.
Hot streak: Talented Tony Finau won four times in the next 30 events, including three victories in 2022.
“I’ve always had belief, but confidence is contagious when you win.” —Finau
MOST OF US ARE REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU, TONY
PGA Tour rookie Tyson Alexander shot a closing 66 to finish second in the Cadence Bank Houston Open, four shots back as Tony Finau romped to his third win of the year.
"Great week for me. I wish Tony would have taken the week off,” Alexander joked.
THE RETURN OF NOSTRADAMUS
“I feel like I can win, definitely. … [Augusta National] is the steepest golf course you’re going to play and that was the first one I climbed. [Major championship courses] are going to get flatter and better. I didn’t have the endurance I wanted [at the Masters]. It’s going to get better as time goes on.” —Tiger Woods before the PGA Championship at Southern Hills in Tulsa
“Obviously [Woods] was in a lot of pain and discomfort today. There is not an update on his future. That’s just reality.” —Mark Steinberg, Woods’s agent, after Woods withdrew following his third-round 79 at Southern Hills, his worst-ever PGA Championship score
WORSE? YOU ALREADY HAD THE DRINKING AND SMOKING
John Daly enjoyed playing with his son in December’s PNC Championship, after which he was scheduled for a knee replacement. His Daly State of the Union address: “If I knew I was going to live this long, I would have taken worse care of myself.”
MAYBE NOSTRADAMUS SHOULD'VE HELPED YOU ON SOME OF THOSE PARLAY WAGERS (AND HOW MANY TIMES IS THIS GUY GOING TO MENTION NOSTRADAMUS?—SHEESH!)
“For a long, long time, pretty much all the best players played on the PGA Tour. That will never be the case again. Going forward, you have to pick a side. I firmly believe I’m on the winning side. … I see LIV Golf trending upwards, I see the PGA Tour trending downwards, and I love the side I’m on.” —Phil Mickelson, golfing visionary
DOES TRASH-TALKING COUNT TOWARD THE $15 MILLION PLAYER IMPACT PROGRAM FIRST PRIZE?
Justin Thomas arrived at his tee shot on the fifth hole at Orlando’s Ritz-Carlton Golf Club during the PNC Championship, the made-for-TV father-son event, and found a scorecard stuck in the grass near his ball, which was 15 yards short of where Tiger Woods’s drive came to rest. The card had a message, written by Woods: “You’ve got mail.”
THIS GUY SHOULD'VE WON THE PIP $15 MILLION FOR BEING HONEST
The leader after 54 holes at the PGA Championship at Southern Hills was little-known Chilean golfer Mito Pereira, ranked No. 100 in the world. A par on the 72nd hole would’ve won him the PGA; a bogey would’ve gotten him into a three-way playoff. He made double bogey after a dreadful drive into a creek and tied for third.
“I thought I was nervous the first day,” Pereira said. “Then I thought I was nervous the second day. Then I thought I was nervous on the third day. But the fourth day was terrible.”
THE BEST OF THE WORST
The Worst Finish of the Year didn’t belong to the unfortunate Pereira. The finalists were former Masters champ Danny Willett and former Pepperdine star Sahith Theegala.
Willett had a one-shot lead in the Safeway Championship and was looking at a four-foot birdie putt on the 72nd hole. Then Max Homa chipped in for birdie and Willett—ouch!—three-putted to lose.
Theegala had a one-stroke lead on the 72nd hole of the Travelers Championship and a chance to get his first PGA Tour victory until he sent his drive into a steep fairway bunker. He bladed his iron shot into the bunker’s face, pitched out and narrowly missed a bogey putt. His double bogey led to Xander Schauffele’s victory.
”It’s a shame with how it finished … one of them things. At times you wish you could rewind time." —Willett
“I knew exactly where we stood. Never in a million years did I think I would blade it.” —Theegala.
Well, shots happen. The winner of this category is Willett.
YES, NOTHING IS MORE SATISFYING THAN BEATING A GUY WITH ONE GOOD LEG
“The joy of getting this [victory] does not match the joy of standing here with Tiger just being so upset.” —Jordan Spieth after he and Justin Thomas steamrolled Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy in the made-for-TV showdown, The Match VII.
STILL NO. 1 IN OWGTR (OFFICIAL WORLD GOLF TWITTER RANKINGS)
Tweets from multiple tour-winner Max Homa on becoming a first-time father in 2022:
“Being the dad of a newborn is basically just picking up and opening stuff with one hand. #analysis.”
“Moving my kid’s legs around to help him fart has been a surprising highlight thus far.”
“I just set an alarm for 4:16 a.m. I should ideally be up by 4:15 but that extra minute sounds glorious.”
“My son will stand nowhere near the baggage carousel as the luggage is being delivered. That will be my legacy as a father.”
HEY, REMIND US HOW 'ALABAMA UNIVERSITY' DID IN THE RECENT COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF
“I know you went to Auburn so you may not be the brightest, but I know you know it’s the University of Alabama.” —Justin Thomas, annoyed that TV color man Charles Barkley, an Auburn alum, kept trying to get under his skin in The Match by referring to Thomas’s alma mater as Alabama University
ATTENTION, FRIES! PREPARE TO DIE!
Trash-talk rebuttal from Justin Thomas later during The Match telecast after he joked that calling Charles Barkley “a fat-ass” had consequences: “That could be The Match 8—Chuck versus a plate of cheese fries.”